Denial

“My master tole us dat de niggers started the railroad and that a nigger looking at a boiling coffee pot on a stove one day got the idea dat he could cause it to run by putting wheels on it. Dis nigger, being a blacksmith, put his thoughts to action by making wheels and put a coffee pot on it, and by some kinder means, he made it run an’ the idea was stole from him and day built de steam engine.”

— Mrs. Fanny Berry, a former slave born in 1823 (Weevils in the Wheat/Slave Narratives from Virginia ex slaves

For those that don’t know, in the 1930s, President Franklin Roosevelt employed writers to capture the stories of former slaves before the generation died out. There were many collections, including Weeviles in the Wheat. VERY interesting, enlightening reading. Stuff those history books don’t want to tell you. Things the writers of those history books most likely don’t know and didn’t think interesting enough to research.

I don’t blame white folks for not wanting to tell these stories; it makes them uncomfortable to discuss and confront. So it makes more sense to say it was in the past, or why bring up old wounds. But I need for MY black children to know of their own Holocaust and what was in their past, so that they don’t dishonor their ancestors by making a fucking fool of themselves or acting in a way that justifies the horrible treatment Black people are going to get at the hands of evil people who are just acting out the evil their forefathers bequeathed to them.

#malcolmXmodetoday

 

I thought I’d share something from my Facebook page. I wrote that. I write lots of thoughtful stuff, in between posting Twerk videos, chatting with frat brothers, and rehashing jokes, streetfights, and the occasional reposted Facebook Movement B.S. Plenty of those posts are buried under more posts and tagged photos and again, more bullshit.

But today, I thought about the state of race relations in America, and… No. I woke up around 5 a.m., and had thought about my relationship status, and how my lady was raised by her White mother, how she is a Black woman trapped in White skin and straight hair, and how she had to learn to be Black by the media, the ill-educated (about themselves) Black community, other Black women, and ultimately the White dominated American environment she lives in. You may be wondering what that had to do with Black and White. Well, let me ask you a question:  What do you think it means to be Black? Is it simply Black skin? Is it a nationality? Is it ethnic? Culture?

Black in America means something different than Black in any other country on this earth. You see, here in America, as a Black person, you are an ex-slave. Everything about being a Black man or Black woman in America has to trace itself back to slavery. Because without slavery, there would be no America. We wouldn’t have the White House. Slavery enabled America to be able to afford to revolt against England and declare itself a sovereign nation. Imagine:  400 years of FREE labor. You could kill a man if you wanted without going to jail (Casual Killing Act of 1669) — which, by the way, sounds a lot like the authority the Police have to kill Black men if the death occurred in the process of doing your job. You could force them to work when they were sick, there were no Labor Laws to place a limit on how many hours to make them work (seriously, did you think there was minimum wage? overtime? lunch breaks?). America prospered because of slavery, and everything the slaves suffered from hatred, to glass ceilings to low self-esteem, to anger they had to suppress turning cancerous to broken families and psychological problems…

Ooh. My next point. Take for example the following argument (also a post from my Facebook wall):

(paraphrasing) “You have to understand, after being take from their homeland, snatched from parents early, poorly fed, forced to work even when sick, beaten daily, long hours, no control over their own lives, constantly under a whip–lashing out violently and disobedience was bound to happen…”

↑↑  An animal trainer explaining elephants and tigers who suddenly attack their trainers. How is it that we can understand this <– but not that –>?? You feel me?

I hope you didn’t think that if a people were taken from their homeland, brutalized for an entire lifetime, then those brutalized people (with all the psychological damage they suffered because of it) raised a generation of children who were then brutalized as well, and then they raise a generation… and then the people are “freed” but continued to be brutalized through the Jim Crow era, then their children are brutalized through the civil rights movement, then their children are the most likely people to be drafted for the Vietnam War, then their children (continuing to be brutalized now, but by the police) are introduced to jobs, prosperity, film, gangster rap, drugs and alcohol (seriously, you didn’t think BLACK people invented crack cocaine did you?) until they took the reins from the White man and started brutalizing each other… Do you honestly believe these people are somehow 100% responsible for their behavior and thinking?

Tell you what. Let me take you hostage for one short year. I will treat you the way the slaves were treated. I will beat you daily, sell your children, rape your wife, force you to work whether you were sick or not, whether the weather was nice, 100 degrees or 20 degrees in the snow. Then I’ll let you free, and you tell ME if:

1. Your behavior will be normal,
2. If your thinking will be normal,
3. If your relationships will be normal, and
4. If you are fully responsible for any crazy shit you do

But it’s so much easier to say that this is a thing of the past, and that the bad behavior of the Vietnam Vet was fully his fault and he’s a grown man, so blah blah blah. Hell, the war was over, what–40 years ago? Can’t you just get over it? Why do you flinch everytime you hear thunder? Can’t you tell the difference between thunder and a mortar attack?

I’m sure none of your educated, politically correct Black friends will tell you this. But my white brothers and sisters, Black people DO have a problem fostering normal relationships. They have a major issue with authority and are very insecure when it comes to feeling respected and slighted. They are very defensive. When provoked, Black people will resort to extreme violence instead of talking about it. And the reason why is because YOU taught them that. YOU laid the foundation for this environment and the psychological damage they suffer–while generations ago–was inflicted by your ancestors, generations ago. You still reap the benefits from that relationship, trust me. Black people aren’t poor because of laziness. We need to get this out. To deny the pathology of why these things exist in the Black community is to deny past guilt because it makes you uncomfortable, but it still needs to be discussed. To act as if Black people should just “get over it” because slavery is over, is like telling the cancer victim to ignore his tumor and just “think positive” and make the most out of his life. Forgiveness and healing is a two way street; both the wronged and the wrong-doer must come to terms, and both parties must heal (yes, YOU too, must heal). There is something called “Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome”, similar to “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” and I believe both Black people as well as White people suffer from it. No one has undergone therapy for it, and it will just grow more infected until it either bursts or turns into another disease. You must not ignore it.

One last post from my wall. It has as much to do with White men as it does Black men:

“Boy I’m gonna beat yo *Black* ass! I’m gna take some branches, braid it together, pull your pants down and humiliate you, beat that ass till I’m too tired to whup (whip) you, beat you till you submit to my authority–and I’m gonna make YOU go get it, you Black ass child!” Dang, do you think this might have come from someplace else? We’ve certainly learned our Black history, haven’t we? Might be time to rethink some things about our culture… And how we parent our kids.

My lady thinks she knows a lot about being Black just because her grandmother is Black, and she likes Black music, and Black men. But there is a major part of being Black that is so much deeper and cannot be trivialized by the size of your ass or your dick, the brownness of your skin, the roll of your eyes, and the diction in your voice. Black in America is nothing like Black in Nigeria, or Black in Cuba, or Black in Jamaica. There is something that is so deep it cannot be seen, and until you know what it is–understanding it and reconciling it–you are at the mercy of forces that mean you no good. Likewise for what it means to be an American (yes, even a White American), because without this Black man and without this knowledge, the White American is carrying a cancer from five generations back that will not heal on its own. Though you don’t see it, you definitely feel it–although you may not recognize what it is. And the first step to understanding it is to rid yourself of the disease called “denial”. Denial of guilt. Denial of truth. Denial of history. Denial of what must come next.

And as always, I post this in love, not hate. Thanks for visiting my blog.

Two Types of Lovers

I always say that in love, there are two types of lovers:  Givers and Receivers.

Are there levels in between? I think so. Just as there are those on the far right and far left of this balance. But most people, in my observation, as either Givers or Receivers.

Giver–likes to do for his or her mate. Not just material stuff, but the one who does most of the initiating for sex, for affection, gifts, compliments. This person is often confused with being the one who is “more” in love than the other. But Givers are also the one who most likely will leave a relationship. Givers generally do not ask for what they want. Givers are preoccupied with what they can do to keep and impress their mates, while Receivers, their opposite, are preoccupied with what their mates can do for them.

Receiver–like being “done”. Likes to receive the attention, asks for stuff in the relationship more than the other, seems to be the less affectionate one, seems to be less attentive, less involved, and always gets accused of being uninterested. Receivers have no problem asking for what they want, and are prone to asking for too much. They are not bothered by inconveniencing their mate, and rarely take into account how their mate feels about something because the receiver wants it. Receivers are huge on communication, since it’s important that they let their mate know what they want, but contrary to what they believe–receivers almost never hear what their mates communicate. Most likely to get dumped.

In a relationship or marriage, roles can be reversed. For whatever reason, someone who is normally a Giver may shut down and refuse to give, and take the role of the receiver. It could be out of pain of a past relationship. It could be “retaliation” for some hurt that a past lover inflicted, so the natural Giver is determined not to “give” too much of himself/herself again. It could be out of fear or caution. It could also be a reward for being a “good” woman or man in previous relationships, they feel like Hell, spoil ME for a change. Likewise for the Receiver who ends up being the older mate in a relationship, or the more prosperous one, or perhaps they fall in love harder than in previous marriages, and they want to show the mate the kind of love they normally liked to receive in their past.

And we have the extremes. I call them the True Giver or the True Receiver. The True Giver is one who gives so much of himself or herself, they lose their identity in the relationship and even give up their own desires in the relationship. Things they usually want in the relationship are forgotten, or they convince themselves that they really don’t want it because their mate won’t give it. So rather than face the reality that they are unequally yoked, or that their mate is disappointing (even hurting) them, they pretend not to care just in the name of keeping their mate, and keeping them happy. True Givers will not say what they want, even deny what they want because they don’t want to be refused by their mates. True Givers expect their mates to be mind-readers. They will say what they like and dislike once–and then never ask again. After all, I am here to please you. So tell me what you want, baby, I love you…. And that shit gets old. If the True Giver is never heard, someone will come along and talk sense into the True Giver’s ear and make the True Giver feel that they are being taken advantage of or that their mate is ungrateful. True Givers only appear to not want anything; they are easy to take advantage of, and easy to take for granted.

On the opposite end, we have the True Receiver. The True Receiver–and I have only had the misfortune of being with one once–appears to be perhaps the most selfish person you can meet. The True Receiver only focus on their wants, and almost never thinks about the feelings of their mates. Even if their mates share their desires, the True Receiver has no problem saying “absolutely not”, and refuse the request. Anything asked of the True Receiver is an inconvenience or seems either unreasonable or outrageous. The True Receiver is motivated by pleasure–having fun, feeling important, receiving attention, and feeling wanted. They are the kind who overtakes conversations, cuts their mates off in disagreements, loses their tempers, and threatens to leave. The True Receiver feels as if their mate should be happy to have them, and expect their mates to suppress desires in order to give them what they want. True Receivers are great communicators, and do not hold back feelings, unlike their opposite–who hold back so much, they have nearly a paranoid view of everything they think they see. The True Receiver’s compliments and gifts seem extra special to their mates, because they rarely give them, and in relationships, the True Receiver give pleasure because they have the power to seduce their mates by the mixture of pleasure and pain. Being so self-focused, even when the True Receiver is madly in love, their mates rarely know it and they are prone to being cheated on or dumped because their mates rarely know the deepness of their affections.

In relationships, you must know what kind of person you are and what kind of person your mate is. On top of that, you must also know who is assuming what role in that relationship, regardless of what kind of lover you each naturally are. We have to recognize the signs, talk them out, and learn to read the minds of the mates and decipher what they do and say. Givers seem to be desperate and needy. Receivers seem to be selfish. But the opposite could be true. Receivers could be self-involved because of past experience and they do so as a reward for themselves for past “good behavior”. Givers may give attention and gifts in the effort to force their mates to control them or be indebted to them. Knowing the kind of mate you have will tell you how to manage them and their style of loving you. Knowing yourself will help you modify your own actions so that you do not sabotage your relationship.

And you know, there must be a Part II, Part III and whatever else comes to mind. Stay tuned y’all!

Thanks for visiting my blog!

The Death of the Black Wife

 

 

Yup that’s pretty much how it works. Our Black women seem to be the only ones pulling this shit. Yes, you have a job. Yes, you have your own things. But you are the LEAST likely women to land a husband (hell not even a Black man) and you act like you’re okay with that. Something is terribly wrong, my sisters. Lose that stupid pride and create families. This kind of stuff is killing our people.

If only you understood the dynamics of White dominance versus the Black Family. Going all the way back to slavery, Black families were kept apart, either by design or convenience, but because of the nature of chattel slavery the family was not a sacred institution. It was not respected. The slave master, if he wanted, could come out to the slave quarters and fuck your wife. As a man, you could do nothing about it. If he wanted, he could sell your husband to another plantation. If he had “good genes”–aka, large and strong and smart–he was rented out to other plantations to breed with the women of those plantations. Yes, my sisters, your husband was sent to other plantations (for a fee) to fuck other women. And worse than all of this:  If you had strong, healthy children, your children would be sold.

Let me jump in for a second. There exists in the Black community some rules some of our non-Black friends may not understand. If you are Black and southern you know this very well. Black children are kept close to the hip when around White folks. Children in general are inquisitive, they like to explore and learn. They are often mischievous, and Black children are no different. But go to Walmart, and see how violently Black mothers are to keep their kids in line around “company”.

Boy, if you don’t bring your ass over here I am going to beat your fucking ass. GET over here! Don’t touch a damned thing. You better not break nothing, they gone GET you!

You know what I’m talking about. We all have heard it. “They gone get you!” What is that?

Yes, when Black children are not controlled, stoic and anything short of a nuisance, any White man or woman–even those who are not your Master–had a legal right to abuse your child worse than any dog. Thing of the past you say? Do you know what happens to Black kids who are away from their parents when they act up?

This boy was 14 years old. His crime, whistling at an attractive White woman. Ask any of your Black friends, we all know the story.

But some other rules:

• Telling our girls how not to get raped–as well as how to GET raped. Yes, how to “get” raped. By the time a girl is 11 or 12, we are already telling our daughters to hide their breasts and other body parts. And when they come (not “if”, but “when”), don’t fight them; it will only be worse. In some parts of the country, Black mothers don’t let their daughters out of sight.
• Telling boys not to resist, talk back to, or to be overly polite–to police. We are told never to reach for a wallet too quickly without getting permission from a police officer.
• Detaching from children, and not allowing them to be too affectionate with us. It weakens them, we think. Plus, we need to prepare the children we don’t truly own who could possibly be taken from us for when that day comes. If our kids are attached like your children are attached to you, it hurts more when they are sold–or jailed, or killed.
• Telling our sons that in order to be seen as equal, they must be three times better than the White kids. Black boys are extra competitive for this reason, even in modern times. We are so used to being discriminated and discarded, we must guard against it by being extra valuable. On the plantation, the hardest working slaves didn’t get beaten. If a slave was more productive than the rest, a beating takes days, sometimes weeks, to recover. That’s lost production on the farm. Or the job. We can’t stand this nigger acting like that Black law school he attended makes him just as good as we are… But damn, we can’t afford to fire him. This is the reality Black men live with every day.
• The use of a whipping as a form of discipline. Yeah, it’s a joke for Black folks–but do you ever wonder why Black people whip their children so much? It’s because it is how we were taught to be disciplined and controlled. But some white folks whup their children, right? The same way Black folks do, right? They do–in southern culture. Imagine where they learned that….

All that to say, that the lessons and ordeals we were forced to live with are still here. It dictates why we are the way we are today. Sure, slavery is over–by generations. But we learn from our parents, and they learned from their parents. And these things have become a part of our culture. Whether you recognize it or not, it exists.

So, when that Black woman says FUCK YOU to her men, I don’t need you, you ain’t shit, I’m better off without you–this is the result of generations of having to do it alone, and much to the delight of her Master–it is a sign that these Black folks are still the inferior people. Hell, this Black bitch (don’t get mad; half of you call yourselves this, and that’s what they called you!) can’t even keep a husband, let alone raise a child properly. Know your history, or you will be doomed to repeat it.

I apologize for the offensive language in this post. But I needed it for you to feel the heat radiating off these lines. Thanks for visiting my blog.

to the Iraqi mother

come

i must do it again, that natural primal inclination

(after all, she is a woman)

toes stiffen, fists curled, spine shivers, eyes rolled to the back of her head

last time, the tears overflowed like the Euphrates, endlessly

still young; plenty of time—they say, but her empty womb echoes a story

lowers her with a kiss as they bid her:

“come…”

“to the Iraqi mother”

2013

In honor of a woman I saw interviewed whose second child in two years (? can’t remember the span) was killed via Iraqi “liberation” by our forces. The woman next to her was telling her she was still young enough to have another child. She broke from the interview to say, “I DID have another child!”

By the way, the picture is not of that mother, but it is real. Thanks to our belief that non-American lives are worth less than a gallon of oil–or sweet no-bid contracts–there  is no shortage of mothers losing their children we can put up to illustrate. It is a damn shame, that God, the All-knowing, Merciful One that He is, created Woman to bring gifts into the world, but men, who are her designated protectors, use the power of free will to take them away. When will we learn? (if you want to know more about her, the woman’s name is Wafaa Hussein. Her child was 6 when he was hit by a sniper:  READ MORE HERE)

Thanks for visiting my blog.

In Honor of Women’s History Month…

I am going to attempt to…. (drum rolls)

Pen 20 poems in honor or women.

#thatisall

 

Thanks for visiting my blog.