Monthly Archives: March 2011

No Scrubs

Remember TLC’s song “No Scrubs”? For those that may need a reminder, here is a video, followed by the lyrics:

A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin’ about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass
So (no)

I don’t want your number (no)
I don’t want to give you mine and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don’t want none of your time and (no)

[Chorus:]
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holler at me
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holler at me

But a scrub is checkin’ me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
Cuz I’m lookin’ like class and he’s lookin’ like trash
Can’t get wit’ no deadbeat ass
So (no)

I don’t want your number (no)
I don’t want to give you mine and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don’t want none of your time (no)

[Chorus]

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

 

So, I’m just curious…. what happened to that? Why is it that when a sister requires a man to have his own, to be “bout it-bout it”, and pay his way–and hers–is she labeled a gold digger?  I mean, she is only asking a man to be–well–a man, after all. How can you be a man when you gotta turn to Momma to pay the bill when the check comes? Or you have to drive her car because yours don’t work (or worse:  don’t exist)? The Black man did better when our women demanded that we be men. But at some point, brothers got sloppy and let their game slide. And now we end up with brothers who act like boys:  They look like grown men, but if you look at their wallets and what they actually own, they look like college students living in the dorm. Except they’re not in college. And instead of a dorm, they live with their mother. Or their woman. Notice I said “woman”, not “girl”. Because a MAN will refer to his woman as a “WOMAN”, but a BOY will call her a GIRL. He calls himself a “player”, because he’s still a kid playing a game, pretending to be a man. In that case, when Buford and the boys decides to go back to the 50s and call a Black man a “boy”, he’s telling the truth.

Why are we going backwards, family? How can sisters expect a man to marry her and take care of her and the kids in the 70s, and by the 90s all he needs to do is lay the pipe (cause she got her own money), and then by the Y2K men ain’t shit? How the heck did THAT happen?

I’ll tell you.

Ladies, YOU did it. You fucked off the baby’s father back in the day with that “I don’t need a man” garbage. Independent woman. You coddled your boys, doted on them and raised a generation of momma’s boys who couldn’t even pee straight. And when they peed on the back of the toilet, YOU cleaned it. And the two things you failed to do–raise you boys and get a man to teach them how to be men–allowed him to be Mommy’s baby boy until it was no longer cute. And before you get mad about me saying you didn’t raise your sons, listen to this… Feeding them and loving and dressing them up them does not equate to raising a boy. Protecting him when he messes up–like bailing him out of jail, siding with him against his baby’s mother when he wasn’t man enough to marry her or pay child support, cosigning his fat ass ride when he doesn’t even put money aside for his little boy or little girl, even telling people the judge screwed him over when it was clear that your son is a criminal–made him less of a man. He never learned to take responsibility. He never learned to rely on no one but himself and God. You taught him that he is still a “good man” when you know damn well your son is a piece of shit and a dead beat dad who womanizes. There was no accountability for his actions, and dressing him up like a fly ass monkey with the latest fashions and the fresh hair cut and the rims on his car still means that he is a grown ass boy and a monkey.

When a child screws up, its because he wasn’t raised right. Ain’t no such thing as “I raised him right, but he still…” nothing. If he is a deadbeat Dad, there is a flaw in how you raised him and you must not tolerate anything less than what God intended for him. So keep paying his child support for him. Keep telling people your granddaughter’s mother is a whore when it’s really your son that’s the failure. You might as well move him in and marry his ass because I can almost guarantee you that neither you nor him know what a family looks like and will probably ever be in a successful marriage.

And while I’m at it–the same goes for you sisters that married a dude (or live with a dude) that is not fathering your boys. Even if your boys are grown, his priority should be to form a relationship with your sons and be of service. Guidance and instruction and protection. If anyone should be bailing your son out of trouble it should be him–with a stern warning that he must pay it back, never do it again, and grow the hell up. But I am pretty sure that your husband didn’t do that, and that’s why your son never bonded with him. And he probably is angry. Either way, he never learned to be man and supposedly, you have a man living in the house.

Now your son is supposed to be fully grown, he might be 25, 35, or 45. But he still ain’t shit compared to your Dad or your grandfather. What happened? It ain’t what happened, it’s what didn’t happen. At this age, he should be leading a family and teaching and providing, but he’s not because he can’t. Damn shame.

Honey, you raised a scrub. And now these young sisters are having their children by scrubs, and the Black man–the REAL man–is an endangered species. You must demand that your boys be men. You must demand that your men be men. And us men need to mentor other boys to become men. Because right now, everyone’s busy playing and pretending. You chose career and image over substance, and now we don’t have enough substance in the Black community to keep our families together.

The solution, you say? Stay tuned. I have a plan.

Thanks for visiting my blog.


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Am I Marriage Material?

I’ve noticed a lot of women lately talking about holding out for marriage. Maybe I’ve been hearing about it forever, but not hearing it–and marrying these sisters anyway. Either way, I starting thinking about every girl’s desire to be a wife, and what do we men look for–as well as what should we look for.

You might want to think about whether or not you are “marriage material”.

I mean, it takes more than just a desire be to a wife, in order to be a good wife. And notice I said “be a good wife”. Any sister with a wedding ring is a wife, but it’s the woman who gets to wear her ring for decades that is a “good” wife. Now, please spare me the garbage about why a woman doesn’t need to make pleasing a man a priority. Trust me–the women who think that way are usually alone or with unhappy men. The art of keeping a marriage appears to be lost on today’s generations (at any age), and you would do well to let go of your ego and get with the program. Trust me, ladies… women today are more desperate, with less morals and are more eager to connive to take your man. And your man has way too many options than to stay with a woman who does not appreciate a good husband who would treat her well. Please understand that your years on this Earth are short, and mostly we are not blessed enough to get many chances to get it right. Study the art, and become good at it.

  • First, you must decide if–in the eyes of God himself–you deserve to be married. Did God bless you with a good potential spouse, or are you forcing a relationship down the throat of a man who really doesn’t want to be a husband (or your husband, for that matter)? Have you done everything you are supposed to do to have a marriage blessed by God? This must be determined first, because without his blessings, nothing is successful. If you are not praying, paying your charity, being faithful to the One who makes things possible and takes them away… you can forget being blessed in your endeavors. A good thing to consider:  if you are fornicating with this brother, you are both in sin. Would a sinful union result in one with the Creator’s favor? Or do you really think He will bless you just because you stopped sinning because a piece of paper between you is making it “legal”? Yeah, that’s heavy. Are you looking for a wife, or just “legal” sex?
  • If you are not in His favor, then you need to be on the fast track to getting right. Want to go on vacation? Well, do you prepare for vacation just by buying your ticket and going? Or do you work out like crazy to get your beach body, save your money to have funds, put your personal arrangements in order so that they don’t come up and ruin your vacation? Marriage is something you must get yourself together for. Not just the ceremony–but YOU. You have things to get ready, you have preparations to make. Or you aren’t really serious about making this move. I’m just saying.
  • Am I prepared to make the emotional commitment? Is there a long-lost love I still dream about? Am I looking up my past lover’s name to see if they are on Facebook, hoping that we might make this thing happen one day? Do I cruise Black Planet, Craigslist, Match, or whatever? Or am I sure that this person in front of me is “the One”? Am I still in pain from a previous relationship, that I will punish my new mate for the sins of another? Am I looking for the cheater in him/her, paranoid that they will all be the same?
  • If my mate was to have an accident, and become disfigured, can’t work, can’t have sex, can’t even wipe himself/herself… would I be willing to spend my life with this person? And I don’t think it’s one of those external things; it isn’t your mate, but you. Not that she/he the right one for you, but if you are willing or not to give yourself to another for life. Some people are willing to do this, some are not. If you don’t think so, but you will do it for this lady or that lady–you aren’t ready. You are deciding readiness based on something external–depending on how she looks or how she makes you feel. Love isn’t external; it’s internal. Either you are ready for commitment or you aren’t.
  • Is there baggage from a previous situation that will affect your new one? Like bills? Or apprehension? Or fears? I knew a brother who said after spending 5 years with an overweight woman, he had to have a fit wife. He was not attracted to heavy women, and would not stay with one. Well, he ain’t ready–no matter what she looked like. Even Halle Berry could contract Thyroid Disease and gain weight. Want to have kids? Add 30 – 40 pounds (or more). Like I said, anything left over from a previous relationship that can affect your current situation spells that you are not ready.
  • How well has this person gotten to know you? Does she know your parents? Your siblings? Your kids? Is she in the dark about your business or line of work? Does she know about the culture you come from? Your religion? I know you aren’t planning to marry someone who can’t name your favorite Uncle. May seem trivial, but it’s huge.
  • Are your life missions in line with each other? I mean, really? You want 4 kids, but your mate wants to travel the world–childless. You want to live the life of a full-time musician, but your mate wants a steady 9 to 5 and retirement in 30 years. Compare notes and be honest.

Okay, it’s getting late. There is more to this story, but I’m watching “Ong Bak”, and we are approaching the baddest fight scene at the end of the movie and I’m fin to start throwing kicks and punches and watching these fools get that ass beat. This topic is starting to bore me. Talk to you later!

Thanks for visiting my blog.

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Why Men Cheat, Part I

Okay, we are about to get deep.

This is not a subject I know well from experience because I’ve done it–but it is something I’ve seen around me because so many people I know have. I might be mistaken about some things, so if you feel like you need to check me on something please do. And we are going to have a few installments on this very volatile and complex subject.

First let me say this. We all may not know what our mates will do when we aren’t around because no one is in your partner’s mind. However, you DO know the basic moral character of your mate. It’s just that some of us overlook the flaws we see and hope that it’s not as bad as we fear that it is. But how many times has something been revealed to you and you ended up saying to yourself, “Dammit, I KNEW it!” That’s right, baby–you knew your man; you just chose to overlook it. Rarely will a woman be surprised 100% by something your man does. No, you knew it all along, you just were either in denial or you were hoping that you were mistaken about it.

That said, a brother is either a good man or he isn’t. If he is a good man, no matter what you do, he will be faithful. Now he might break up with you, but he won’t cheat. Cheating is something that either people will or they won’t. In my last 3 marriages, I was with cheaters. Not that I caught them or anything, but when they got mad, they would threaten to cheat (which explains how they could be fine, educated and 40 and STILL single). That behavior told me that it was something they’d consider; and perhaps they did it or perhaps they didn’t. But you don’t let shit come out of your mouth that ain’t already in your head. For example, can you imagine your man saying, “well if I was gay, I’d fuck ____.” Hell no. If a dude said that, he’s a homo. For reals. Or, “damn, I need a hit of some crack.” Nigga get real, open your eyes! LOL

So don’t ever think that you did something that caused one of your exes to cheat. Or that broad at your ex’s job with the big titties somehow seduced your man. Or that he was doing it to get back at you. A dude ain’t going to do it unless it’s in his DNA–no more than he’d suck a dick cause he got too drunk.

I read an article once–I think it was in Essence magazine–where the author talked of “driving a man into the arms of another woman”. Man, whatever. I bet you there is a woman who allows her man to cheat on her because she puts the blame everywhere else except for the sorry mother fucker she got with. I repeat:  There is nothing you can do to make a non-cheater cheat.

But you can learn to identify the signs that your man is a piece of shit, or has cheater-like qualities. And the signs are as follows:

But not tonight. Next time. (Gotta build up suspense for Part II!) Thanks for visiting my blog.

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Making Your Home His Castle

You would think that after listening to me bitch and moan about my sixth wife, that she was completely inept at keeping a man. Au contraire, my friend! Actually, she was a beautiful woman who kept me happy most of the time. The problem was just that she had a temper (which was a complete deal-breaker for me) and regardless of how much I loved her, my desire for my children to have a happy childhood was greater than anything I could feel for her or our marriage.

Basically, it was, “Make my kids unhappy, and you’re gone.” In our case… I left. (Thrown out but refused to return was more like it)

But I digress.

I learned something from her that Islam teaches women that I had never experienced before, and now I’m spoiled. It’s this:  Your home has to be a place your husband can retreat to from the torment of his world. It must be a place he looks forward to going to, and must be like a vacation every day. To many of you, that sounds ideological and unreasonable. But that’s because your mommas didn’t teach you this important lesson. And that, my sister, is why men spend time with their boys, go to the bar or the club, hang out in the streets–anywhere but home with you. Learn this extremely important secret about female “pimpology” and you will have that man racing to get home.

  • The arrival home has to be stress-free. When he comes home, do you bombard him with complaints about leaving the toilet seat up or not calling you during the day? Is his arrival home a pleasant one? Or one that he dreads? Do you meet him with all the BS from your argument from this morning? Or… Are you happy to see him? A smile and some “snap, crackle, pop”? Something to eat or drink? Baby, take your shoes off and let me rub your shoulders? If this type of greeting sounds corny to you, then I feel sorry for you mami, you have a lot to learn. Men like to go where they can escape it all. If he sees comfort in seeing you, then he will look for you. If he sees it in the cutie at the sports bar, or the gym, or in hanging out with the boys–then honey you just relegated yourself to second place. Read on.
  • Listen to him with interest. They say the most important job in politics–second only to the President himself–is the First Lady. She is the last person of every day that President gets his advice from (thank God that we have a First Lady with degrees from Harvard AND Yale!) and after all his meetings with his advisers and Cabinet members… He comes home and unloads on his wife. And when there is a huge decision to be made, how much you wanna bet he will piss off every Cabinet member before he defies his wife? Your man carries a lot of burden on his shoulders. He gets beat up by his boss, by his duties at work, by his sleazy coworkers, by the jerks on the freeway, by his employees. That stress don’t just go away on its own. The least you can do–while he is getting beat up by his day for you and the kids–is be the ear he can let loose on. Encourage him. Edify him. Give him good advice. Congratulate him. Soothe him. If you don’t, somebody will.
  • Is the house clean? Does it smell good? Is it comfortable? If your home is pleasing to the senses, it will be pleasing for him too. Does he smell dinner from the driveway, and know you are hooking it up? Will there be a hot bath running in the tub waiting on him when he gets home? Will that home feel like a 5 star hotel? Or a college dorm room? I sure hope you don’t think you’re gonna keep a man impressed with poor housekeeping skills… If you’re a working wife, then make the kids do it.
  • Your mission every day should be to make him happy. I don’t know where women get this “I don’t have to kiss a man’s ass” bullshit, but I guarantee you this:  That broad is a baby momma, not a wife. If she is a wife with that attitude, her husband ain’t happy. A wife who doesn’t feel like she should be busting her behind to keep her husband happy deserves a man who doesn’t feel like he should be paying all the bills and instead wants his “freedom” and will be chasing stupid shit, like his rap career.
  • When I speak of making the man’s home his “castle”, I don’t intend to make you his maid or a second class citizen in your own home. But I am suggesting that you find it priority to make him feel like a King in his own home. It don’t matter if he’s a janitor at the factory, or a porter at the auto dealer, or scrubbing floors at the office… He is putting food on the table, your children love him, he keeps a roof over your head, and he is treating you well. The least he can have is a little kingdom when he’s away from the job. Is that too much to ask?

Now, if your man isn’t putting it down like that–send him to me. We need to discuss a few things. I’m assuming your husband is doing what he’s supposed to do because that’s what we men do… we love, cherish and support. And for that, we deserve a little piece of heaven at home.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

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How to Deal with an Ex that Likes to Fight

I don’t know if you can tell, but this is a subject that I hold dear to my heart (yuck!) and have a lot of experience with. Lord knows what it is about me, that although I meet all kinds of women with all types of temperaments, I only seem to marry the ones with the hot temper. AND, they are the kind of women who don’t let me see that temper until we’re married.

Or is it that I get married too soon? 😉

Well, once the inevitable happens–cause you know us brothers don’t put up with SHIT these days–you break up, and now that you don’t have to listen to the bullshit, she (or he) feels like they are going to give you a piece of their mind every time you get together. So what do you do? I mean, whether or not you have children, property, or unresolved issues–you are no longer attached. So that means, you have the option of hanging up the phone, going home, ignoring the emails and texts. Why, my brother–why, my sister–are you listening to the yapping?

Let me tell you a story. Recently, I was getting wore out by both of my children’s mothers. One was texting me to death, the other was emailing me hate letters. While whining to my sister about it, she made a point that she often makes–which I normally deny–that they just want some attention and even negative attention in the form of an argument makes their day. So this day, I committed myself to ignoring the both of them, and letting them know that I was planning to end all communication when they got this way… and guess what. After a few attempts to reach me, both of them stopped. I actually told my baby’s mother that I was sick of her, and was planning to move out of state–even out the country–and she could have the baby all to herself, since she was constantly denying me access to him, and that I would form my relationship with him when he was grown. I told the both of them that I no longer wished to speak to either of them ever again. They treat me as a deadbeat Dad, so I’m going to show them what a deadbeat Dad is.

I love it. Both got apologetic. Both calmed the fuck down and got respectful. And both have lain the hell off of me. I see my baby boy whenever I want now. What the hell.

I’ve concluded that my sister was right. When I’m done with a broad, I loathe speaking to her. But when I still love a woman, I call her all the time. The difference is that I treat all my women–team members as well as exes–well all the damned time. So I rarely get resistance when I do call them. But my exes don’t know how to treat a brother (which is why their asses are exes) and so, when they contact me, it’s an unpleasant experience. They realize it, and the only way they know how to communicate with me is by being a fucking bitch about it. When I say that I’m fed up and will not be controlled through my children, and do not want to ever hear their voices again, they panic and drop the crazy-bitch thing. I don’t fucking get it, but I get it.

Don’t give them the time of day and either they will get to stepping, or they will give you want you want to get what they want:  attention.

My big kids’ mom, I hate to fucking death. I don’t even hate George Bush that damned bad. She will never get an audience with me unless one of the kids needs something. But at least by saying that I am going to the Carribean (because I will pick up and move in a minute and she knows it), she realizes she won’t have me around, so she knows when to shut the fuck up. I can almost guarantee the same will be for you.

But one of the rules of power is that you never make a concession or a threat that you have no intention of keeping. If you say, Bitch I will never speak to you again, but you come over and fuck when she calls you… she will never believe you. You have to say what you mean (or threat it) and mean what you say. I would never leave my kids, but I will take them and leave town if I have to; I’d rather die or go to jail than ruin my health over some broad I’d rather never see again. When you tell them “don’t call me again”, don’t take their calls. They’ll know you mean business.

Good luck, and thanks for visiting my blog.

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