Monthly Archives: August 2011

elusive

elusive woman,

help me.

help me find the words to create you

i am not God-like

but i want to pull you from my rib cage

breathe life into your nostrils

and say, “be.”

as in, be wrapped around my finger in eternal bliss

kiss my soul from above

This

is not any bathwater-drinking

toe-sucking love

it’s the kind to have me searching for you in heaven

praying at the top of my lungs

that He’d make you mine

the kind that defies God for you

pluck the forbidden fruit for you

gladly tip-toe the line between sin

and everlasting life with you

but like water you slip through these strong hands

disappear in a whisp of steam

always seen but cannot be held

except in the clutches of unworthy men

whose histories poison your past

littering your life with time wasted and lingering pain

disguised in caution—

my mind silently weaves in a passing thought:

what

about

me?

 

let me dip my tongue into your essence

speak your desires into actions

and be what you wish for in the tumultuous darkness of night

elusive lady

mount your pedestal

and prostrate me

open your world

and duplicate me

guard my safety like the secrets we’ve shared—

the forbidden desire i’ve denied

but can no longer hide;

evade me no more.

 

let me leave you quenched

soothe your overworked heart

lay back and listen to the latent lapping

of gentle waves

slapping the wooden flanks of our new vessel

we will sail across a sea of unfamiliarity

navigating to the unknown vast

of new lives living in peace

resist the urge to remain

elusive

moan me your existence

scream our fate into an obscure whisper

like silent loudness articulating meaning

 

elusive woman

grant me reprieve and the chance to rejoice

come to me,

lend me

and my pen

your voice….

 

 

 

Elusive

 

© He Spit Fire

2010

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Top 8 Things Holding Back the Black Man, part IV (Da Hood)

This violation is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves about our young people. Do you ever notice how our people will latch on to the worst shit that comes out, and when something good comes out–we don’t respond to it? Why is that? Our young people deem it cool to be assholes. They think being from prison is somehow “real”. They think there is something wrong with them if they excel at anything but sports and entertainment–but it has to be the right sport and the right entertainment. We wanna be rich, but we want to “keep it real” by repping the hood.

This is what I said in the original installment of this series:

We aspire to be second-class peasants.  We are an entertainment generation, and we will subject our children to be raised by music and media in the effort to pursue more “stuff”. Yes, our juvenile courts are full of the best-dressed, most affluent, wannabe gangstas ever. These courts are not full of kids selling drugs to feed their kids. They are full of kids who want to act like gangsters. They are suburbanite children who wish they were from the “hood”. Why is it that our parents want to act rich, but the kids want to act poor? It’s so bad, that we look at educated, articulate, well-mannered men as “square”, and then we say that our less educated, rough-mannered men have an “edge” and therefore more attactive. And what happened to the gangsta rap generation of the 90s? Well, some finished college and got jobs and are now raising middle-class thugs and hoes. Others are the single moms and dads who are raising lower-class thugs and hoes. Someone once said that I am hiding my children from the streets by keeping them in the mosque. You’re damned right.  Some people just don’t get it; we have everything we need to elevate ourselves, but most of us would just rather stay in the ghetto.

It is said that the Negro is easy to lead astray, and difficult to lead to the right path. Give a brotha a choice between a good, stable job, or a marginal life with partying and women–and he will choose the low life every time. Give a sister a chance to take an ex con with a nice body or a decent looking working man, and for some reason she wants to have the ex con. And I *know* you’ve seen this:  A “good” school with an accelerate program or the high school on the other side of town in Da Hood, and he will choose Crenshaw High. Every damn time. Somebody been watching too much “Juice in Da Hood”, or whatever the fuck that movie was called.  This is just amazing.

Like I said, I don’t claim to have all the answers. But I do have some suggestions.

First of all, it must start with us. We have to understand that whatever state our people are in–our children screwing up, our women choosing piece a shit men over getting married, our men trying to club all the way into their 50s trying to score some boodie–it’s OUR. DAMN. FAULT. So it is up to us to fix it. We can start by deciding, right here, right now, that we want better for us and our children. You must begin every endeavor with a statement of intention, and possibly a mission statement.

The Mission Statement:

Your mission statement is a declaration of your purpose, your mission, your values, your strengths, and your plan to achieve all goals.

It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or complicated. When I meet young brothers and sisters and I plan to lecture them, I usually ask the following question: “Where do you see yourself in ten years? What kind of life do you want to live? What will you do to achieve those goals? Do you believe that what you’re doing right now–the way you’re living, and the things you’re doing–will get you there?”

My brothers and sisters, where do you see yourself in ten years?

What kind of life do you want to live?

What do you plan to do to achieve those goals?

Do you believe that what you’re doing right now–the way you’re living and the things you’re doing–will get you there?

Now, put those answers together in form of a statement. “In ten years, I plan to be married with a full-time business (possibly several) and all my children under one roof. I want to own a home, have a good income through my businesses, my children should have a problem-free childhood and loving life, and a great relationship with my spouse. We will be spiritually grounded and physically healthy. Children will be well-behaved with good grades. I have a two year plan to get me to the next level, and this is what I plan to do to achieve those goals: Step A, Step B, Step C, Step D…”

That, my brothers and sisters, is a mission statement. You should have it memorized, and have it written all over the place. Your children should know it. Your wife/husband should know it and be in full agreement. You should do nothing that distracts you from that goal, and everything you do should be in support of that goal. Baby, you’re going to be busy. You must be driven and near obsessive about it. No time for garbage, and things that waste time. And most of all, your children must be on board with it.

Notice, I haven’t said anything about Da Hood yet.

Yeah, I haven’t. They didn’t get Ghetto Fab overnight, and they sure ain’t going to get Smart overnight. But how are we going to enact a plan to fix this bullshit when you don’t have a plan to climb out of the shithole we call “Niggadumb” that we’ve been living in since the early 90s?

Stay tuned, family. And take notes.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

 

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Top 8 Things Holding Back the Black Man, pt III (Spirituality)

I have been trying to get back to this subject. Some of you have asked about this and other threads, but I have just started two businesses consecutively and it requires my full attention. Excuses aside, I just have not had time. But I promise to try harder to get at least one article out a week.

So we have this recurring theme of ownership and self-reliance for solving the Black plight. No one cares more about our problems–other than those people wanting to profit/benefit off them–than we do. We must go it alone. However, does anyone truly go through problems alone? No. “Alone” is a path that must be trampled with God Himself. Because there is always another one when a man thinks he is alone. And if he is not with God or His Angels, he is with the Shaitan (Satan), and don’t you ever forget that.

Take a look at #2 of the 8 Things, found here:

Not enough spiritual foundation in our families. To find a family that is centered around worship and faith is often a rarity. We use to be a people who walked by faith, and the churches were the center of our communities. Today–in the Black community–the center of the community is the shopping center/mall, the club, or Facebook. We like to look good, we like to be consumers, have the nicest cars, the best-dressed parents, get the degrees, the big houses, the six figure jobs–and church is for hard times and celebrations. Hell, if it weren’t for cheap weddings, high funeral home costs, and HOLIDAYS, most of us would never set foot in a church. It’s so bad, that when you find a spiritually grounded teenager you think it’s an amazing thing! As if it is only a small percentage of our community who are truly faithful to the religion they claim. Wait, it is….

I don’t know how you feel about my next statement, but nothing could be truer:  No problem is ever solved without invoking God, without His permission nothing happens.  If you want to fix the Black community, you have to begin with asking for Divine assistance. And then you do what we mortal men must do to get it done. It’s not like God will wave a magic wand and everything goes away. How He works, He uses His Angels, He uses the elements, the natural flow of things as we know it–circumstance, “happenstance”, chance–to answer requests. God always answers your prayer requests, you just may not always like the answer. He answers yes, no, and sometimes, wait. But you must start with that. And the Angels are there to assist and intervene. However, the only thing they will not interfere with is free will, unless your free will is about to interrupt another plan of His. Little do many of our leaders know–not involving God and His laws is an act of Free Will as well.

Once you pray, you must then act according to whether or not you believe that God would approve. That means you must know His laws, what you can do, what you can’t do, and what is preferred you do or don’t do. Decisions must be made with this in mind, or nothing you attempt will prosper.

We must keep God and Godly ways in our homes and lives. It should guide and light our way, because without it, we will be lost in the dark.

My point exactly. Black people are lost in the dark. And even the man with a world of wealth, if he is not walking in the path of God and His prophets, will be lost. Sometimes (most of the time), God will take it away. Other times, he will punish you by allowing you to keep the wealth and he will let that wealth destroy you. Think of how many of our well-to-do family members experience drama and hurt, due to the fact that they are living far above the standard of the rest of us:  athletes, entertainers, businessmen, politicians. Wealth without God’s blessing is intoxicating. It will give you delusions of grandeur. It will have you thinking you are better than those of us who don’t have it. It will make you arrogant. It will make you paranoid. It will make you wreckless. It will make you do things you normally wouldn’t do if you didn’t have it. You must purify your wealth by sharing it, by praising the One who blessed you with it. You must do what the Almighty wants done with it–not just buy “stuff”.

And you wanna know why you went to a good school, work a good job, live in a good neighborhood, but your son still wants to be a gangsta and your daughter is a video whore.

God’s path must also illuminate your relationships with your spouse. You have to ask yourself, “Would God approve of how I’m treating my wife/husband?” You and your spouse must do things together that bring you together spiritually:  praying together, studying together, monitor each other’s behavior (not faith, just the behavior), giving alms and good works.

If you are single, you must hide yourself in God so deeply, she must seek Him to find you.

We’re not doing that, are we, Black man? Where do we find you? At the barbershop. At the club. At the liquor store. Out hanging in the streets. At the mall. At the bar. Not exactly places where God Himself can be found. And remember what I said about thinking we’re alone. God and His Angels, or Shaitan and his demons–take your pic. My beloved Black brothers–my beautiful, beloved Black brothers–you are burying your great potential under a mountain of bullshit that will require a ton of digging to release.

And it will all start with your relationship with the only entity that really loves you more than yourselves–more than those White girls whose souls you soil with sin. If you loved the women around you and your children like you say you do, then walk towards God and his ways, and they will follow you. Whether we are talking about your families, your relationships, your business, or politics, there is only one direction–towards Him.

The community is waiting.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

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Filed under Message to the Black Man

Learn to Manage Relationships

I have a good friend who is going to be staying with me for a few weeks. He came to America from Mexico to give his wife and daughter a good life. Not only did he find prosperity here, but he also found good healthcare, as his wife is ill. Had they remained in Mexico, they would not have understood her illness (Bipolar Disorder) and failed to seek treatment. He is 49 years old and has been married 21 years.

My heart breaks for him, because I know he loves her and has been by her side through thick and thin. He would do anything for his wife, even now–while she is screaming for divorce. He cannot budget to pay the bills on their home while paying for another apartment, so he is staying with me rent-free while we work together at starting a side business to supplement his income. This is something we all can learn from my friend (although he is not computer literate, I will not use his name):  complete commitment to his wife, even while on the verge of divorce.

He and I talked about what his experience was like living with a woman with Bipolar Disorder. I may have mentioned this before, but I am Bipolar. I was diagnosed 15 years ago after a violent explosion and was ordered to seek mental therapy. I am no longer in treatment, but using a combination of obedience to my religion and abstaining from alcohol and drugs, I have been able to prevent any episodes. The only thing I struggle with today is depression and I have been fortunate enough to have that under control most days.

The Lessons I Learned

My friend told me of being cussed out in public, coming home to seeing his home destroyed, pictures and other memorabilia torn, being accused of affairs and other conspiracies… He’s endured a lot. Yet I was terribly surprised, because in 6 years of knowing him, he has not said one word about his experience with his wife. I did know she was ill, even that she was bipolar. However, he protected his wife’s reputation among his friends.

Rule #1:  Protect your spouse’s image in the minds of others AT ALL COSTS

You must protect how others see your spouse. Had I known about what he went through behind closed doors, I may have treated the couple differently. I might have even been the type to suggest he left his wife. Only a man knows the depth of his love for his woman, and he should never tarnish her reputation among others. He must honor her at all times and work out his problems with her with HER, not his friends. Those of us on the outside don’t know everything, and cannot therefore advise him properly. This also goes for arguments you have with your spouse. When you are ready to forgive and forget, your friends and family may not, and that can alienate you or your spouse from them when you two have already worked it out.

Rule #2: Get it off your chest

I am not saying in rule #1 not to confide in anyone. But you should always have someone to talk to. Don’t do it alone! My friend has no family here in Sacramento, and she has plenty. So he is isolated and often feels like they are ganging up on him. Having at least one close person to you–hopefully, someone who knows you both–will help you get thing off your chest. Your confidant need not necessarily be an advisor; you can have one or both. But you must have an outlet–someone who will listen to your side when your spouse will not. Keeping things bottled up is not healthy, and can seriously depress you and oppress you. Open the top, and let some steam out. If you want to yell and cuss, yell and cuss at your confidant, not your spouse.

Rule #3:  Always respect your spouse and marriage, even when they are not respecting you or the marriage

Marriage is like a ship at sea. Once you begin damaging the marriage by mistreating the other, losing faith in the marriage, breaking any of the rules, you will sink. If at least one of you is adhering and commited to the survival of the ship, you have a chance and helping keep the other afloat. But if you both are sinking, that ship doesn’t have a chance. You must not allow yourself to be drawn into violating the marriage. If you at least remain strong, you will still have a marriage. If you both are doing the same thing, the marriage will fail. For this reason, I advise commiting yourself to never violating the marriage even when you want to. Be strong for the other spouse when they are weak.

Rule #4:  Divorce is not an option

If you are going to keep this marriage going, divorce is not an option. My friend does not want a divorce. But he is prepared to stay in America, work and keep a separate residence, until his wife allows him home. He is not considering the possibility of divorce. It’s not even in his Plan B or C. He is planning to maintain the marriage until it has been repaired enough to go home. That is how you manage a relationship.

Rule #5:  Talk

If there was a mistake I made in my failed marriages, it was from not talking. I am not a yeller. When my women yell, I get quiet. And when they yell a lot, I will no longer communicate. Trust me, I am a master of the game when it comes to giving someone the cold shoulder. I do not refuse my wives affection and sex. But I will not communicate with you when you can’t control the volume, and I can tell you it is a flaw of mine. No relationship has a chance when the other partner won’t listen to your feelings, thoughts and views. Even if you have to return to the conversation at a later time, you must discuss and attempt to resolve everything that comes up. Fail to talk (hopefully in a calm, respectful tone) and I can guarantee you a divorce.

Rule #6:  Get a mediator

Lastly, (there is more to this subject, but it’s all I’M going to write about today) you should get a neutral person to be the third party to resolving problems that you cannot resolve on your own. Mediators are essentially filters, and when you are speaking, sometimes, your spouse cannot hear what you are saying because it has to get past emotions, past hurts and conversations. A third person will reiterate what you’ve said and say it in a calm, audible way. Another reason you want to have a mediator is that we often forget what is said. Especially if this is a conversation you both  have had before. The mediator will remember what was said (because he/she is not emotional like you both) and remind the other of what was said, even return the conversation back to the topic–which may stray from time to time. Finally, the mediator will make sure both parties get to state their side and keep things calm.

Marriage is a lot of work. Often we will only work until it gets difficult, and then we want to throw our hands up and give up. Relationships are not things that don’t need constant watering and maintaining; failing to do so leads to grass looking greener. Study this skill, and you will find relationships-building to be more pleasant and simple.

And I didn’t say it was easy; I just said it would be simple. Thanks for visiting my blog.

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