Striving for Alphadom (for Jr Odias)

I frequently have conversations with other men about all things manly, because this a subject that obviously I care about. In this modern time of diminishing masculinity–which is accompanied by and fueled by the masculinization of women (which I distinguish from the rise of women’s rights)–men do not think much about masculinity. Add to this the facts that most men today in the Black community are not raised by men, do not exist in spaces dominated by men, and the conversation having been dominated by women–we have lost the definition to the point that any woman who decides to can call herself a “man”. Plainly put, most men can’t even define masculinity, let alone idealize or live up to what it is.

And there are levels to this thing, my friends. As the late great AH Maslow attempted to demonstrate with his “model of dominance hierarchy”, most of you know it as the “alpha male/beta male” thing (also terribly misunderstood), not all men are created equal. No one likes to admit this, but there are weak men, strong men, lower men, higher men, men of low value, men of high value, and so forth. All men like to think of themselves as strong, high vibrational, intelligent, respectable, respected, attractive, powerful, valuable, etc., but the truth is, this is a very small minority of men. Unlike the women, who can get away with *calling* themselves “beautiful” and “strong”–declaring something we are not can be very painful and humiliating, even dangerous, if we are not in our own lanes. From the time all men reach the age of responsibility, all men of all races, ethnic groups and social classes are in a competition for power, wealth, influence, dominance, and resources. I have a theory which is quite unpopular: The American Black Man has relegated himself to the lowest wrung on the socioeconomic ladder because we have checked out of the race (which is a homonym for ethnicity and the competition we are in with other races). We will address this theory in another set of articles, but let’s stick with today’s article. Every man is in a competition with other men for power, and when he is not deeply engaged in this competition, he joins the ranks of the Last Man, which we will discuss in another article as well.

Which leads me to the topic of the day. If a man does desire more for himself, if he wants to be an Alpha, wants the beautiful women, the respect of other men, he wants the spoils of economic war against the competition–how can he get those things? Many of us did not get these lessons from our fathers. Perhaps our father wasn’t around. Or maybe he was a weaker man (very difficult to accept). Perhaps he simply didn’t know how to do so, and he couldn’t teach you. They definitely don’t teach this in school. Motivational speakers and preachers claim to teach these things, but they are mostly ineffective. (More on this another time) We always tell each other to “Level up!” but how many people really know how to Level up?

Obviously, I can’t teach this in one article. I’d like to introduce the mindset for the art of becoming a higher male, and in upcoming articles we will tackle this a little at a time. Please do not just read and share this article. Take notes, make yourself reminders, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and we will try our best to impart this knowledge as much as possible.

  1. Understand the 3Bs of the Singles Marketplace. Body. Brains. Bank Account. We are not all born with light eyes, 6 feet tall, and big dicks. You know this. But the 3Bs are adjustable. These 3 things we aren’t born with, and have FULL control over. By stepping up our game with the 3Bs, we increase our value in the eyes of women, regardless of how tall you are, how light skinned you be, and how small your dick is (just kidding. you might want to master the art of eating pussy or investing in some dick pills LOL). But seriously, there is no excuse for any man to not have an attractive frame, to be able to speak with some intelligence, have some wisdom, and money in the bank. ESPECIALLY if you live in America, the wealthiest country on the planet. Trust me, we will be discussing this concept in great depth. Bottom line–start working out, put down the liquor bottle, weed, and tobacco, stop supersizing your meals. Start reading more than you watch and listen–unless you are listening to lectures, audiobooks, and any other sources of knowledge. Fill that brain before emptying the mouth. And learn to manage your money better, develop some pain tolerance to hard work and discipline. Learn to invest, save, and grow the money you do take in. All of these things matter to women, and all of these things will make other men respect you. If you are one of these dudes on the internet bitching and moaning about why women won’t give you the time of day–this mindset alone is the solution to your gripes. Dedicate yourself to one year of leveling up in this category, I guarantee your life next year will be lovely.
  2. Understand the 5Ps of Masculinity. The 5Ps is my take on Jack Donovan’s “4Ps”, or the primary roles of men in society. Protect, Provide, Procreate, Profess, and Preside. All men are expected to fill some very important roles in society, and he must be able to do these things well. We protect our families, our brothers, others in our community, and especially–ourselves. There is no excuse that is acceptable. In order to be seen as real man, you better know how to fight, have the physical ability to do it, have the technical knowledge to get the job done, and the balls to stand up, take the blows, give em back, and finish your enemy off if need be. When was the last time you trained to fight? If someone attacked your woman right now–or 2 or 3 someones–can you defend her and punish the offenders yourself? If you can’t fight, you are less of a man. Sorry, not sorry. Secondly, as men we provide for our women, our children, and our families. When your woman comes to you and says the light bill needs to be paid, brother you better have the money. A man who can’t give his woman money for milk and diapers is less than a man. I have heard guys criticize his ex for leaving him because of hard times and getting with the next man. They even call the next man a “simp” or “Captain” for doing a better job. This will need a series, because especially in our community men feel more manly for letting his woman and children down yet look down on the men who take up the slack on his failure. If you are a man, you are expected to bring home the bacon. Everyone–your children, your elderly parents, even other men. You see, when you fail, the community must pick up the slack. NO excuses are acceptable. If you don’t bring home the bacon you are failing in this role. And here is one more thing about the second P: Even women you are no longer with are “your women”. She isn’t sleeping with you anymore. But she is the mother of your child. If she’s hungry, your child is hungry. If you think this woman has no respect for you for letting her down–wait until your children grow up. There is no pain and insult worse than your own child saying, “My father is unreliable and weak.” Third P is Procreate, short for Pursue, Procreate, Propose, Propagate. Men are the initiators of the relationship between himself and his women. That means you cannot be shy. You must know how to attract and appeal to women. You must be more proficient than other men at getting the girl, because remember–this is a competition with other men. Too many guys are angry that they fall short at this. They say things like, well they aren’t choosing regular guys like me and these women are fat, got other children, blah blah blah quack quack quack. But the bottom line is–she isn’t choosing you. The solution shouldn’t be to criticize the women. The solution is to become what women want. Now you don’t have to. You could stay the same and expect to get what you want. But you are in for a lifetime of discontent if you do. We also know how to satisfy our women. That requires mastery of the art of sex. It takes more than a big dick to accomplish it. You must know your way around a woman’s body. You must know how to satisfy her, where her erogenous zones are, which strokes gives her the most pleasure, how long to do it, when to speed up, when to slow down. Any man who can blow his woman’s mind in the bedroom is going to have a good experience in that relationship. But there are simply too many men who cannot, and that’s why your woman is giving you hell. It ain’t “blowing her back out”–you been watching too many porn videos and listening to too many fatherless babies talk. Get this skill, and watch your relationships improve instantly. Anyway, it is also more than orgasms and mindgasms–real men, build large and vigorous families. Sure, American culture no longer values large families. But this is one of the reasons why masculinity is at an all time low. Men all around the planet take pride in their children; your bachelorhood will be over before you know it, and as you age, your quality of life depends greatly on your progeny. One day you will be an old man, and your manhood will be measured not by how much ass you tapped or what cars you drove–but by the children and grandchildren you created. Half of these guys out here only see children as mouths to feed and another bill taking away from your hoes and toys. Manhood. Don’t be in your 30s still holding onto boyish narcissism. And don’t shy away from having children, as one day you will realize that the true precious pearls of the earth are the children you leave behind when you are no longer here. Due to space, we will go into details at another time about the other two Ps. Profess–you must have wisdom, you must be able to teach your woman, your children, and other men. Among the most valued men in society are those who lead others to success, and you cannot accomplish that if you lack the wisdom and knowledge and foresight to bring value to the lives of others. Matter of fact, when calling yourself an “Alpha” male consider this: In other to be Alpha, others must follow you, trust in your leadership, learn from you, and be lost without you. So ask yourself: Who follows my lead? Who put their lives in my hands? Who am I teaching on a regular basis? Who needs me to be here to do what I do? And finally, we Preside over our families. We always expect women to submit. But the question should be “Submit, to what?” You want a woman to follow you, but to where? What is your exact plan for the next 24 months of your life? Chances are, you don’t have one. As man, you must. But like the last plan, you must have wisdom, you must have knowledge, and you must project and demonstrate to others that you possess these qualities. And you see, when you do–you don’t have to demand submission. People recognize competence and vision. When you don’t have it, people don’t trust you. Fellas, we will have a HUGE convo about this one.
  3. Excuses are the tools of the incompetent, and those who use them accomplish nothing. As higher men, we are interested in only one thing: results. No one gives a damn why you failed. The only thing that matters is that you succeed. Weak men have reasons for failure, and they are good at blaming everyone and their momma: I’m fat because of diabetes, I’m broke because of the economy, these women ain’t choosing me because they’re shallow, I can’t get my program going because of racism. And so forth. If you are on the higher scale of masculinity, you must succeed at everything you do. Finish what you started. Excel at what you pursue. Give it 100% of your effort and focus. Study before you plan, measure twice, cut once, push all the way to the end, and if you fall short–take all the blame. Take an autopsy of why you failed, then do it again, but better. You must have this mindset.
  4. Amor Fati. Love fate. It’s Latin. The highest of men waste no time wishing the world was the way they want it. They accept it is as it is. They understand people as they are. They change what they can, and they work with the things that they cannot. Bitching and moaning, and whining and complaining is not manly at all. You will gain great power by seeing the world as it is, rather than waste time on if it’s not how you think it should be or how you want it to be. You can’t change the world and people, but you can change yourself. This must be at the center of everything you see for the rest of your life.
  5. Life Alchemy. Alchemy is the pseudoscience of turning regular materials into gold. Of course, you can’t. But you must become a master of taking every situation, taking life as it is–and getting exactly what you want out of it. You must be a Magician: I want to make $100K, and before you know it–you’re making six figures. The question is, how can I do this? First off, you need a teacher. Want to be a doctor? Find a doctor, medical school, etc., and ask them to show you what to do. You can learn anything on your own, but you cut down the learning curve by having someone who has done it show you. A teacher, a mentor, a guide. Secondly, you must have a plan to get what you want. Back to the doctor thing, go to college. Stop at nothing, let nothing stop you, get that degree. Then go to medical school. And so forth. But what about money, you ask? Go visit a financial aid office, and ask them. Thirdly, you need the right mindset to make it happen. See the last two items. As an alchemist, you make things appear out of thin air. We will surely discuss this, as it is a superpower.
  6. Self-reliance. Men are self-reliant. The buck stops with us, because we are the ones that others come to for guidance and strength. This means that we must be the one who is the backbone. It is a simple concept, but not easy to do. It takes strength of character, stoic resolve, a sense of responsibility (meaning we don’t rely on others to do what needs to be done), and a King’s mindset. Remember the idea of being an Alpha male? If you run this shit–you ask no one for permission, but you also don’t need to turn to others to get things done. While it’s true that you may need advisors and foot soldiers, as the King of the Pridelands (think Mufasa from Lion King)–what you want done, gets done, no one can stop you, no one is needed to make it happen.
  7. Become attractive. Jim Rohn once said, if you want to attract a great salary/great job, become an attractive person. You must be what you want to have. Want a raise? Be the person who deserves the raise. Want a girl who is a 9 or 10? Become the guy a 9 or 10 wants to be with. These motivational gurus are always talking about “asking the universe” (yuck) for stuff. But if you are a higher human being–a Superman–you don’t have to ask for a thing. Dave Chappelle doesn’t need to ask Netflix for $50 mil, he is the guy who *commands* $50 mil. Floyd Mayweather never had to ask PPV for hundreds of millions–as the greatest pound for pound fighter on the planet, he is worth that money. You don’t get what you deserve because it’s fair, my brothers. You get what you deserve because you DESERVE it. If you don’t get what you deserve, it’s because you don’t deserve it. Painful to hear, but it’s true. Everything you have in life, you earned because by design, you positioned yourself to have it, good or bad. Want something better? Then do what needs to be done to *deserve* it. Education, skills, reputation, hard work–whatever it requires, do it.
  8. Look good, smell good, sound good. Never underestimate the power of sexual energy. Some of y’all might cringe at this, but (remember, I see the world as it is, not as I think it should be) when you learn to become seductive–you tend to get what you want. People are drawn to you, people like you, people believe you, people want to give you want you desire. Male and female. You must learn to harness sexual energy, and use it to your advantage. Men are even drawn to attractive men. Doesn’t mean they want stick him in the ass–men simply are not exempt from being drawn to another man’s beauty. Think of our heroes–actors, athletes, politicians, leaders and champions of the people. Are they all or not attractive men? Ali. Obama. Malcolm X. Huey Newton. Denzel Washington. Sugar Ray Leonard. Michael Jordan. Minister Louis Farrakhan. You must present well. Be well-groomed. Speak with strength, confidence, energy, positivity. Avoid anti-seductive behavior: Negativity, insecurity, doubtfulness. We will certainly tackle this in depth as well.

I’m sure this article has hit 2,000 words by now, so look out for part II. Hopefully, this has whet your appetite for more. Please subscribe, and share this article! Thank you for visiting my blog!

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What Alpha Males Want in a Woman

I was asked to write an article about “The Godfather” Kevin Samuels. I promise there will be one, but I have a list of subject that I’d like to get to first. By the way, RIP to KS…

So in the man-space, there is a lot of talk going around about “Alpha Males” and Red Pill philosophy, and a group that Kevin Samuels has inspired–the Black version of MGTOW, which I have yet to name. This group of brothers fancies themselves “high value men” although most of the guys who embrace this philosophy aren’t, in Samuels’ definition, high value. This is the idea of being an “Alpha Male”. But there is a problem. Most guys who claim to be a part of “Alphadom” aren’t alpha males. Dare I say it, most of these folks don’t even know what an Alpha Male is. To be honest, can’t everybody out here be an Alpha males because that would be like an indian tribe where everyone thinks he’s the chief. Can’t ALL of y’all be an Alpha.

First off, if you have to tell people you’re an Alpha male–and this goes for anything else you have to tell folks (“I’m a boss”, “I’m a baller”, “I’m a classy bitch”)–chances are, yo ass *ain’t*. So let’s just get that out of the way.

According to, an Alpha male is “a male animal having the highest rank in a dominance hierarchy”. According to Discover Magazine, “In primates where alpha males exist, where an individual ranks often determines their reproductive success… Alphas also have jobs. The top male holds responsibility for protecting others in the cohort from predators or other males attempting to take control of the group. To do so effectively, he needs backup from subordinate males, whom he should be on good terms with. ‘It’s in his best interest to keep those males close and have good social relationships’…” the ecologist explains. Yet to most of these guys, they believe being aggressive, big, pushy, being assholes, all mean they are alpha males. So far off the mark. An Alpha male is, for the most part, a leader. He is recognized by the rest of the men in the pack as THE leader. He has primary mating rights. The other males in the group defer to him. He is responsible for them. He guides them, he directs them, and in the absence of other males, he takes their children under his wing. HOLD UP!


You see, to these, well, let’s call them Black pill cats–or Black MGTOWers for now… these guys say all kinds of things about what they believe the Alpha wants, is, and won’t do. One of those things, is stepfather a child. Another is to deal with strong women, aka “Alpha females”. Actually, many brothers deny that there is such a thing as an Alpha female. They claim that Alpha males don’t like Alpha females, and instead want passive, submissive women. I doubt that very much. But more on that later.

Let’s take a poll. How many of you grew up in a home led by a woman? She fed everyone, paid the bills, protected the everyone, guided and taught them, and was the only one with reproductive rights in the household? I’ll wait.

Yeah, most of these folks grew up in households led by Alpha females. So let’s cut the crap lol

So back to the point of this article. There is in fact an Alpha female. She is the leader of her pack. Her pack may be a pack of other females, it could be a team of professionals on the job, it could be her own tribe of children. Some of these grown men actually live in a house STILL led by a woman. There are levels to this Alpha male/female thing, from the household to a social circle, to a church community, to an office, to a football team, to a tribe or fraternity of men, to an entire city. Alpha/Beta/Sigma et al refer to power dynamics. In pseudo-psychology this might be referred to as “power archetypes” and they are dealing with power dynamics, not dating. But these archetypes can be used to describe dating personalities as well. After all, there are men and women who are attracted to specific personality types as well as those who project specific dating types. I can assure you that just as there are alpha males, beta males, and all–there are alpha females and beta females.

There are levels of alpha personality types as well as the other personality types. Some may be alpha at the house, but be very passive and cooperative at the job. The opposite may be true as well, true leaders in business, but very nurturing and laid back with his loved ones at home. Sometimes, your job requires a certain behavior, although this may not be your true personality in your personal relationships. Some people simply look like a type–take for example world champion fighter Manny Pacquiao, who is a killer in the ring but very soft spoken and friendly outside the ring. Then there are those whose personality permeates all aspects of their lives. When someone speaks in absolutes, rest assured that such a person is usually talking out their ass.

I am going to make this as plain and simple as possible: Many assertive, ambitious, aggressive, competent men want equally assertive, ambitious, aggressive, competent women by his side. You see,

Powerful Man + Powerful Woman = Power Couple

Many others may just want a Suzy Homemaker at the house, chasing behind children and baking cookies and shit. But I can assure you, while these two men may be Alpha, if you put them together, there will be a hierarchy between them. Like I said, there is levels to this shit. Some guys just want a woman at the house, while others will be looking for a Queen to help him build his empire because he is King.

But then, lots of these cats wouldn’t know shit about that. So keep theorizing and postulating and arguing with MFs on the internet.

Thank you for visiting my blog.


Filed under Inspiration, Marriage + Love

Becoming Superman (New Category)

This blog has gotten really slow lately because of things I am working on in my personal life. One of those things I’ve been working on is something I was introduced to as a child by my father: The idea of the “Superman”. If you hadn’t noticed, the Superman archetype has been a driving force in much of my writing, as it is for much of my life. As a child, I have always had an inclination towards Superman and all things superhuman. Well in the past, maybe 20, years, the inclination has become an obsession of mine. I have been on a journey of self-improvement and transforming myself to the “higher vibration” (a concept I picked up from my conscious peeps in the woke-before-woke-was-popular community). The path has taken me into many new directions and goals, and ultimately led me back to my childhood introduction to Frederick Nietzsche’s “das Ubermensch”–in English, “the Superman”.

And before you feminist types get your panties all in a bunch, the Ubermensch can be male or female (thus my use of the article das). So take a chill pill, and I will do my best to explain what this is… in my interpretation.

Perhaps Nietzsche’s greatest contribution to the world of philosophy was his concept of the Ubermensch. It seeks to answer this question: If man evolved from ape, and evolution is a never-ending, ongoing process, then it must be true that modern man is still evolving. This begs the question: into what? Our prehistoric ancestors were without a doubt very much human. Archeologists have determined from everything like artwork to burial customs to jewelry that species such as the Neanderthal and Denisovans were conscious, thinking, feeling beings–complete with language and culture. They were not the ape-men that cartoonists envision them to be. They cared for their elderly and injured, mourned their dead, enjoyed music and artwork. They also looked like we did: five fingers and toes, wore clothing, stood about the same height, walked upright. So it makes sense to say that our evolution wasn’t so much a physical evolution, it was more of a psychological, intellectual evolution. So Nietzsche pondered what such an evolution might look like.

If you look around you, you will find that most of us are essentially the same. We work for the wealthy and powerful–while some of us may have businesses–the majority of us make within $50K of each other, some more and some less. We are honest, tax-paying people with average lives, average intelligence, comply with the laws and social standards of our respective cultures. We are subject to the same rules that everyone else is, and we have pretty much the same amount of authority and power (of course some have more and some have less, but we are all in the same boat, mostly). We live, we work, we die, we are remembered by those who knew us and loved us.

But then there are the outliers–the rich, the powerful, the talented, the gifted, the geniuses. There are many who the rules do not apply to, those who are so far from the bunch in their accomplishments and uniqueness. Many, possibly most, are leaders. All are geniuses in their own right. Many are considered strange or rebellious. Most would be said to be “ahead of their times”, not appreciated when we had them, but thought of as trend-setters and great thinkers long after they are gone from this Earth. They are the ones who say the world is round when everyone thought it was flat, the geniuses who say why should music be sung–why can’t we talk? They are the ones who say cars should be able to run on something other than gas–or the Roger Bannisters, who was the first to run a 4 minute mile when others thought it was impossible. These are the men and women who didn’t stick with the herd and created their own standards and values–the Princes and Michael Jacksons, the James Browns, the Muhammad Alis, the Coco Chanels, the Giacomo Casanovas, the Niccolo Machiavellis. Unlike most of us, who complied with the rules, led somewhat average to above average lives–these people were great and are often remembered decades, centuries, after their deaths. Sometimes they were never heard of or even forgotten, but the influence they had on mankind changed lives and living forever. Think the first sea creature to venture onto land who paved the way for all the other creatures that became mammals, reptiles and birds. Think of the Wright Brothers who taught man he could fly–or Leonardo Da Vinci who drew the concept at a time he was possibly ridiculed for such an idea. Or Daedalus, the fabled master craftsman who constructed wings made of feathers and wax which allowed his son to fly. Or Giordano Bruno, who was burned alive for daring to believe that the Earth revolved around the Sun. These men were all Supermen, who led the way to man’s evolution to the next stage in our development. Some actually made the journey to the next level, some merely pointed. But all were examples of the expression “Smart mother fuckers sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers.” You see, in order for a species to evolve, it takes a few to lead the way. Whether it is a physical evolving or a behavioral one–almost all living beings, especially human beings, are social creatures and conform to the group in order to survive and fit in. But it is the Ubermenschen who take the human species to the next, higher plane.

And in order to lead… at least break away from the pack, in order to seek out and find higher planes of existence–we must begin with ourselves. We must seek to improve ourselves, to pursue and achieve perfection, to eliminate weakness and seek strength, knowledge, wisdom. We must push the limits of our abilities and potential. We must reject mediocrity and embrace change. And most importantly, we must reject the herd, because the herd won’t even consider going to the summit of the mountain until everyone else is going. Quite often, the herd isn’t strong enough to make the journey. They say that it is lonely at the top. I observed that the top is lonely because very few people have the drive, discipline, work ethic, fearlessness, intellectual humility. and wisdom to reach the top. And the top is a ladder, not an escalator. You can’t carry anyone with you. If you try, you’ll never make it. So each man (and woman) for him/herself. Everyone, if they so desire, must climb the ladder themselves, one rung at a time. And when you get there, you will enjoy superhuman status.

And there is a process to doing so. It isn’t easy, but I believe I’ve discovered the secret. Follow this blog, particularly this category, to find out what I’ve discovered. This won’t be all Nietzsche, by the way. He merely pointed the way, but was unable to complete the journey himself. So what I will be sharing is my interpretation of his idea, and my view of the Superman archetype.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

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Why Am I Alone? Advice for the Ladies

A comment, gripe, or question often heard in the Black community has something to do with a supposed shortage of good Black men, why women are alone, or something like that. I will refrain from speaking on other communities because my experience has almost exclusively been with Black and Hispanic women–as well as the fact that our issues are nuanced and ethnicity-specific. Many disagree with me when I say this, so perhaps I will do another post on my reasons for saying so at another time.

BTW, please do not take this as an attack on Black women or Black men. One thing you will find for sure on this blog is a ton of statements, judgments, and beliefs that you’ve never heard or will disagree fiercely with. Everything I do and say is out of love for my brothers and sisters.

So let’s begin.

The first thing is the obvious, which is that quite often–more often than anything–the men you chose were inferior. Women too often place all the blame on the man, with things like “He fooled me”/”He talked a good game”/”He was fucked up to begin with”/etc. It is too easy to keep making the same mistake over and over, or have the same outcome again and again, then say there are no good men out here. But the truth is, all of you know a few ladies who have good, happy, fulfilling marriages. And women find these men every day. The problem is that you aren’t getting one. So the correct response isn’t to say that they aren’t out here, it’s to ask yourself, “Why haven’t I met one?” It is too painful to accept that perhaps I am making a mistake, so the easiest thing is to blame the others. This way, I don’t have to deal with it, because it isn’t my fault–it’s theirs. Want to do one thing and get a lifetime of punishment for it? Adopt that belief, that things are out of your hands, and I guarantee that you will suffer the same consequences forever. Insanity is doing the same things, the same way, and expecting a different outcome. You aren’t being fooled because these guys are just that smart, it’s something else. We will come back to it later, but consider this. Our decisions are most often emotional and not rational. When you break up with a guy, were your friends and family equally surprised? Or do they tell you they knew he wasn’t shit? Very often, you seem to be the only one to think he was a good guy–everyone else knew it but you. The truth is, good-looking guys can fool women all the time, while unattractive men can’t get away with a thing. A joke in the Manosphere is that if you look good enough, you don’t have to lie to a woman, she will lie to herself. Your heart and eyes deceive you, if you like what you see. Quite often this is the case.

Other times it may not be looks, but how he deals with you. What does this mean? Well, there is the art of love, and then there is the game of love. The “art” of love is the secret knowledge some of us possess that helps us love a mate better, so that they will never want to part ways from us. It involves everything–romance, sex, courtship, relationships management. Keep it fresh and exciting, keep your mate content and fully satisfied. On the other hand, there is the “game” of love–this is for those who manipulate the feeling of love for personal, selfish gain: sex/”scoring”, money, emotional dependence, narcissistic supply–anything but true love and companionship. This game is cruel and oppressive, it can ruin lives or turn paupers into royalty. There are those who do not love anyone but themselves or someone like themselves (this the “Boomerang effect”), and they leave behind them a trail of “victims”–those who fell in love with them or thought the game player was in love with them and ended up with a broken heart. This is very common at all age ranges, all social statuses, all ethnicities, you name it. When a woman has ended up with a broken heart, she is most likely to have experienced a game player. Game playing men are mostly after sex or financial dependency. To counter them, you must become an expert at recognizing game and countering their attempts, and most of all, eliminate yourself from their game altogether. But the good-looking, good-dicked, or mojoed men are nearly impossible to leave if they got a firm grip around your heart (which is actually your “mind”, but that’s another conversation)–so you usually give the guy more chances than he deserves, and one day you look up and you’re 50 or 60–and alone.

Subscribe to this blog, and in the near future, I will teach you how to recognize and counter the game, by the way. This is not something that comes automatically with age. The oldest, richest, most intelligent, seemingly smartest women have all been victims of the game. Either you know it, or you don’t. So stay tuned…

Here’s the thing about game-players: They are not all actually game-players. Often, they simply lost interest and didn’t know how to tell you. When a man has interest in you, has feelings for you, it is difficult to tell the woman you’re with that things aren’t going well without hurting her feelings. And there are two types of men in this situation. One type can’t bring himself to bring it up, so he stays in the situation until he just tires of the relationship and then leaves. The second type has “options”–meaning, he is desirable to other women, knows it, and is presented with them–and cannot resist the urge to explore them. Both types are flawed, but it doesn’t mean they can’t learn and grow. I myself was one of these guys, and a conversation with my Dad, plus some self-reflection about good women I had lost helped me grow up. Understand what’s going on, and you can possibly save an otherwise potentially good relationship. Or recognize the signs and exit to save yourself. I do not think it is wise to just dump every relationship on the first sign of trouble, by the way. With some wisdom, almost everything can be salvaged, including infidelity (in very rare cases).

So here’s the part that sucks. In the above situation, we have to explore why this man lost interest. He certainly cared about you, or you wouldn’t be in the situation at all. As I said earlier, it is too easy to call him a punk or a weak man, or a fagg0t, or whatever you call a guy who disappoints you. If it happens to you only once, then perhaps you are right–he may have been a weak man. But if it happens to you more than twice, you might consider that maybe you could self-improve. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” The difficult part is this, and if you can do it, I guarantee you will find love, contentment, and happiness. But you will have to make the changes soon, because the two painful truths are that there does come a point where all the good ones are taken. And you can, indeed, age out of the dating market. Don’t think that you will reach an advanced age where men your age will pursue you; older men mostly want younger women. If you have spent a lifetime curving men, I am pretty positive that even in your older age you will place standards upon older men that you’ll find it much, much harder to find a good one.

Which leads me to my last point. Many women have placed requirements on potential mates that are in fact out of their reach. I once joined a dating site for heavier women, because I mostly date heavy women. On that site, the majority of ladies put in their profiles that they wanted fit men. Most athletic, fit men do not want BBWs. A very small minority of them do. Yet here we are, on this site, and women are canceling average pot-bellied Joes, while expecting men with six packs to accept them and all their rolls. I get it. We like what we like. But it is possible to be in pursuit of an ideal mate that isn’t interested in you. I have a fraternity brother in Central America who only dates women in their 20s with perfect bodies and preferably no children. My frat brother is not just in his 50s, a former pretty-boy and football player–he is obese, diabetic, and today has only one leg. Yet he still only wants the same type of women he dated all through the years. He is wealthy, so he gets these ladies, but they don’t stay long. He is one who asks the same question–Why am I alone? I’m sure you ladies could tell him why.

What I am suggesting you do is this: Look at yourself, long, hard, and brutally honestly. Answer the question yourself.

There will be more articles to follow, so that I can elaborate and expound on some of the points I’ve made in this article. If you have questions, please post them in the comments, and please share! I will get to them as quickly as I can. Hopefully this will help you in your quest to find a mate. Thank you for visiting my blog.

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Filed under Marriage + Love

The Core of Manhood

They say that the root of all evil is money–a saying I disagree with btw–and regardless if it is true or not, I believe that a return to true manhood is the solution to our problems and the counter to evil.

My definition of manhood and masculinity has evolved over the years, and starting with Black Superman (my father) I have seen this definition change as I learn more and more about what it means to be a man. Two topics very dear to me lately are the “Black Problem” the mystery of how to rebuild strong families. The problem of white superiority and its effect on the Black man around the globe is one that Black thinkers–both American and African–have rattled their brains over. Many try to separate our history as slaves in America from the condition of the African in Africa, but I see the two as related and intertwined. There is also no denying that much of the issues that afflict the Black man (woman and child) in America is the breakdown of the Black Family. Our crime rate, which is a double-edged sword along with the Black incarceration rate, the state of our economy within America, the extremely high rate of Black single motherhood, our reputation and the image of the Black man–even the effects of racism and seemingly perpetual second class status–are very often a self-inflicted injury… are directly affected by our inability to keep together strong families. As I ponder the source of these issues and research the solution, it brings me to the anthropological study of masculinity and manhood. Simply put, the problem we face in the diaspora, especially in America, is the breakdown of Black Manhood. I sincerely believe that the solution to most of these problems is that we must bring back the true concept of manhood in the Black community. In order to accomplish this, we must first define what manhood is.

R.W. Connell’s “gender order” theory is built upon the idea of “hegemonic masculinity”, and explanation of the reason this is a “man’s world”–where men rule societies. In the West, the feminist movement seeks to destroy what they call the “patriarchy” and questions social norms, in particular, challenging why men should lead society. According to Connell–by the way, a female sociologist–the nature of human beings, the chaos of human life, and our biology all dictate that men be the providers, the protectors, and the leaders of human society and the human family. We won’t discuss this at this time, but I am presenting this to serve as a base to build from.

In the study of cultures and societies throughout the world, and over the many generations, centuries, and millennia that men have walked the earth, there exists a common core of the traits of masculinity and what it means to be a man. In short, nearly all societies on this planet are “patriarchal”, and there are four pillars, four roles, that all men play. In the Black community, this core is badly damaged or nonexistent. Because of this disruption in the Black social structure, we suffer the problems that have plagued us since we have been in America. I call these pillars “The Four Ps”:

  1. Providers. Men are the providers of their families and their community. The primary characteristic of modern man is that we live in communities and no longer have to live off the land, hunting and foraging. We cooperated with other men to live in close proximity to one another: we raised livestock, we built homes, we banded together to form militias to protect our communities. We gave our families a safe and comfortable environment in which to grow and prosper. In the modern day, we now buy homes, we buy food, we work and bring home the bacon in order for our wives to raise her children in comfortable, safe, stress-free, worry-free environments. Where a man fails in this area, his woman and children must fend for themselves. They worry about where the next meal will come from. They experience hunger and illness. The elements takes its toll on the family. Women must then do the job that men do, leaving children unattended and in poor care. The deadbeat father is the ultimate failure. Whether he fails to marry the mother of his children, fails to provide them a home, fails to make that home comfortable and give them all they need to be healthy and happy–all sufferings that women and children experience in this modern world can almost always be traced back to a man’s failure. Or, as most societies would call him, a weak man. Men must be strong, durable, selfless, generous, caring, hardworking, studious, creative, and financially literate. Look around you. Are the men in your circle strong, or weak?
  2. Protectors. Men are the larger, stronger sex. When things go bump in the night, whose job is it to go and check on it? Historically, in the community there may or may not be soldiers and police to keep communities safe. As we will discuss later, the instability of society over most of human history has dictated that when one society wants what another society has, they take it. And don’t be fooled; this still exists today. There are men out there who will take your wife, take your daughter, break in your home and take what you worked so hard to acquire. On the global stage, America and much of Europe are the Debos of the world. This has and always will be there. All hands on deck, when the time comes, men must defend what’s theirs and protect those in their care. Men must know how to fight, and must be willing to step up when the time calls for it. In a community of 20 families in olden times, you had 20 husbands, 20 fathers, and ultimately, 20 soldiers to protect the community from “them”. If two men are weak, afraid, or for whatever reason unable or unwilling to fight for the community, you don’t have 20 soldiers–you have 18. And this puts the other 18 men in danger because there are not enough men to keep one another safe and defeat the enemy. In modern times, we still have to be willing to defend our families; the police can’t be everywhere at all times. And often, the police themselves are the enemy. Anytime a man can come into your home, threaten your family, harm your children, take what they want, destroy property and institutions–and you do nothing about it, you have failed as a man. Your family no longer feel safe even in your presence, and your enemies are emboldened. Let me say this: even a white woman feels comfortable disrespecting the Black man because she knows her man will defend her even when she is wrong. The Black woman does not feel that same protection. The Black child has been killed over and over by white men since 1690 in America, and the Black man has never made the white man pay for that crime. For this reason alone, the Black community remains a victim, and has no respect by other men. For this failure, we must redeem ourselves.
  3. Procreators. Men have the innate desire to produce a large and vigorous family. He does not worry about how much it will cost to feed them for several reasons. First, this family increases his bloodline and in most societies, denotes him as a man to be admired with many heirs. Secondly, his sons add to the strength of the community, as they will one day grow up to be husbands and fathers, and ultimately, soldiers for the community. A community of 20 families can grow to as many as 80 to 100 or more families in one generation if the men of that community embrace this role. Thirdly, having many children makes the family unit financially stronger because each child will one day help the father in whatever endeavors he has, whether it is a business or simply assisting with bills when they are old enough to work. However, a selfish man, or one who has weak financial power, will worry about how to feed these children and will not be able to see far into the future to plan for a later time. Finally, men are the initiators of producing families. If a man is shy, timid, weak or lack confidence, he will come in last place in the effort to gain a mate and produce offspring. In the animal kingdom, many animals do not attract mates and therefore lose the opportunity to pass on their weak genetics. This is how species grow, populate, and become stronger. The female is attracted to men in whom they admire and wish to procreate with because of his ability to build a family. He has features to pass on to children. He is hard working and able to provide her with a better life. Other women are attracted to him, and other men admire him. This is a competition. And only men who compete aggressively will win the opportunity to mate and build his bloodline. At the same time, the women must know the art of mate selection and selective breeding. When girls grow up with weak fathers or no father at all, she will not know how to choose a mate, and will most likely breed with weak, inferior, lazy, irresponsible, ignorant men. Weak, inferior men pass on their weak genetics and fail in providing for/protecting/presiding over (the last pillar) families, resulting in every problem we see plaguing the Black community today. Nearly every single mother who is unmarried, struggling, living in poverty, and raising children alone has procreated with an inferior male. And the primary reason for this is that weak men avoid fatherhood, make babies only by “accident”, and see parenting as a burden rather than a role.
  4. Presiders. It is in a man’s nature to be a leader. While there exists a hierarchy among men of beta, alpha, gamma, delta, zeta, sigma, and others–between the two genders, men are the leaders. He is the breadwinner. He is the home-builder. He is the protector. No human being will provide all those services and be unwilling to give up leadership of the family. If I am giving you all my money and resources, you best believe I’m calling the shots. Not a single entity will finance you and provide resources and not insist on establishing rules and boundaries. Don’t like it, go and get someone else to pay for it. This may sound harsh, but it is how the world works. Even a single mother who works and brings home the bacon, will not let her children run the show. With provision comes leadership. At the same time, not all leadership is created equal. Many men lack the vision to lead their families to success and prosperity. This isn’t to say that men don’t have to listen to or consult with their wives. But a woman’s quality of life depends strongly on the man she chooses to follow. If she follows a wise, intelligent man, she will have a great life. But should she choose a man who doesn’t know his nose from his ass–she is doomed to a life of strife. Men must know where they want to lead their families, have the plan to get there, and the discipline and work ethic to make it happen. This is is more than just families as well; communities must have good leadership. Women can lead families and communities, though, but if things go wrong it is the man who must answer for it. Most leadership roles are filled by men for a good number of reasons (we won’t get into it in this article, though) but one of the main reasons is that it is in the nature of men to lead. When no one is leading, or the leadership’s vision is weak, everyone is going in circles and ultimately go nowhere.

Men generally understand these roles and aspire to fill them. However, in environments where there is very little true masculinity present, there is no one to teach these principles or there is no one to serve as an example of real masculinity. In this case, boys and weak men will do their best to act out what they believe what masculinity is. Often, this idea simply boils down to fighting and fucking. If you look at fatherless boys, you may notice those are the only two things they can do–fuck and fight. They procreate, but news of a woman being pregnant actually devastates him. He plans nothing, because he is only existing and striving to tread water in an unfamiliar ocean of manhood–he is uncomfortable with masculinity because he knows nothing about it. He fumbles in his role because no one has taught him how to be a man but women and other fatherless boys. At the community level, people suffer because so few leaders understand that these same roles apply as a community leader–he provides for his people–he finds sources of work, food, housing, medical services, education, and spiritual health for his people; he protects his community in the way a father fights off invaders and wild animals; he builds his community much like a father builds a family by encouraging people to live in close proximity to one another, by encouraging people to support local businesses and builds institutions; and he has a vision and direction that he will take his people towards with a clear, committed, and defined plan.

We will have to return to this subject in both the love+marriage category as well as message to the black man. Please ponder over these pillars and share them with your friends and loved ones. Thank you for visiting my blog.


Filed under Marriage + Love, Message to the Black Man