In your many marriages, what was the one thing that went wrong, or what was the most repeated problem? Basically, what does a sister need to do to keep your interest?
Funny you should ask. I was recently pondering over this subject when ear-hustling a conversation between a young couple. They couldn’t have been much older than 20. Still wet behind the ears, but I see that the young man had a genuine interest in the sister and wanted to “get it right”. Yay for young love!
I can’t summarize my failed marriages into one problem, other than the fact that I chose women that I was completely incompatible with. But marriage is not about compatibility, in my opinion. We all have our similarities and differences, and the survival of a relationship depends on how well we connect with our similiarities and how we deal with our differences. Doesn’t matter if I like seafood and she likes red meat–where we differ should not hurt our feelings for each other nor should it affect our willingness to stay together. I think the only place we should be “compatible” is in how we manage our relationships–how we handle arguments and disagreements, how well we respect each other’s differing opinions on things like discipline of the kids, and rules with the household, religion and lifestyle, etc. If we can find a common ground there, we are “compatible”. All else is irrelevant.
That said, here are the things that went wrong in my marriages. They overlap my marriages, some things were more damaging in one but not the others, stuff like that:
- Ungratefulness–this is one that I really find intolerable. I am good to you and your children, bust my ass providing and maintaining a comfortable, loving home, but the second you get mad at me, you swear I haven’t done anything for you. I have been a stepfather in each one of my marriages–an attentive one at that–and yet each woman when we were “going through it” swore that my role as stepfather was unnecessary or irrelevant. And get this: each time we split up, I am always told that I was missed, and they’ve asked me to continue being a “good Dad”. Ditto that for being the provider, being a lover and friend, and trying to be a good husband.
- Yelling and fighting–I will not stay with a woman who yells, argues, throws things, has tantrums, and otherwise cannot control herself. In all six marriages, I had hot-tempered women who embarassed me at my job, in public, and destroyed my belongings. My children witnessed my last two wives do the same only a few times. No woman who treats a calm, non-combative man will keep him, period. I’m sorry, but I have too many options and my self-esteem is too high for me to put up with this crap. If you have a shitty man, fight all you want. But if you have a good man, just know that mistreating him will get rid of him with the quickness. There are too many women who know how to treat a brother for him to stay with your spoiled ass.
- Insulting and name-calling–baby, how old did you say you were? Would you like me to slap you in the mouth? Well, insulting and engaging in name-calling is the same thing as physical abuse. The difference is that years after the abuse occurs, the emotional abuse still stings, while the bruises of a well-placed (and sometimes well-deserved) punch in the mouth have disappeared. I have the capacity to be an abuser, but I will never stay around long enough to actually become one. My exes are prone to being abused by their husbands, and I honestly believe these sisters looked at me as a “punk” because I never did it. There were times, however, I would have been justified in doing it–it’s just not me. Good luck with that.
- Threatening to screw other men–yeah, you read that right (pick your jaw back up)–I’ve had women threaten to fuck other men when they got mad at me. Woman, are you serious? You think you’ll keep a husband when you allow some shit like this to come out of your mouth? Check this: I even had a bitch tell me she screwed two dudes while we were married, yet she still sends me “I miss our good times/you were a good husband” bullshit emails and text messages late at night. You must be kidding. Who is teaching these women the secrets to keeping a man? Good lord.
- Taking your frustrations out on my children–mm hmm. They would come home and yell at my kids. I put a stop to that shit real quick. This is what led to the end of my last two marriage. My children only have one childhood, and I’ll be damned if I let some temporary broad ruin it. If I marry you, you’re here for life. But violate one of the deal-breaking no-nos, and you’re as temporary as a U.S. President’s promises.
Boy did I put my stuff on blast! Well, you came here for honesty and you got it. Thanks for visiting my blog.