Thoughts on Father’s Day 6/15/2012

Just some random thoughts about Father’s Day I jotted down. Some of us really look forward to this day with our children, some of us used to look forward to this day with our children, and then it is melancholy for many more…

You would be hard-pressed to find something more awesome than seeing a kid who is adored by his Daddy (including Stepdads). Because you know without a doubt that kid: 1. Will never go hungry, 2. Will most likely never see the inside of a police car (unless he’s on duty), 3. Will one day grow up to maintain, love and cherish his own wife and children. And contrary to popular belief there are MANY Black men who are this way, don’t believe the propoganda! Kids who are loved will grow up to be normal, responsible adults. Kids who are neglected will often have issues as adults.

And it has nothing to do with education or income level. A man who is doing his job can work for minimum wage at the car wash and get and give all the love and respect from his family. Many great men and women were raised by fathers who had less. If he takes his role seriously and with sincerity, their world is all good…

Shot out to all the brothers who will spend Father’s Day without their children because their exes won’t let them see their kids. Brother’s keep your head up, keep working to contact your children, keep a DIARY, and send them correspondence and gifts regularly. Childhoods are over very quickly and your children will remember that you did all you could to see them when they were little.  Happy Father’s Day.

Shot out to all the sisters who use the courts, strategic relocations, new boyfriends and husbands, LIES, police reports and CPS to keep your baby daddies out of your children’s lives… And then run around calling them “deadbeat Dads”.  Same for you women who collect child support and still keep the fathers away. Or deny access when Dad can’t afford to pay… Shame on you.

Shot out to the women who work with the Dads who want to see their kids. We know you turn down job offers to relocate so that the kids can see their father. Or you put your new man in check when he tries to disrepect your kids’ father. Or you drop them off AND pick them up when his car isn’t running (although the court order says he has to drop them off). Or you refuse to bad-mouth him and hide hi…s faults out of respect for being your kids Father. Or you tell the kids “We grew apart” when actually “He cheated”–cause kids don’t need that information. Or you let him keep his dignity when he works a blue collar job while your new man has a well-paying job. Or you let him hit you in payments when his funds are tight… All good deeds are rewarded, and you are appreciated.
As a people we are so damaged that it seems some of us, too many, almost HAVE to have conflict. We are the kind of people who called “hood” movies “real”, and reject Cosby Show for being too perfect. It’s better for our children to grow up without the stress of adult conflict and having to choose sides–or to even listen to sides. Even when I am hot and pissed at my exes, my children never have to hear about it. Your children will love you more for keeping their lives drama-free, and your ex will honor you as well. Because he knows!
Shot out to my frat brother, Rick Jennings, of the San Francisco 49ers and Center for Fathers and Families for helping me find my awesome attorney Frances An, and helping brothers fight the system to see our children… Teaching brothers stuff like how to create a resume as well as cook and change diapers, how to deal with our kids stepdads, even how to BE a stepdad. Shot out to Terry Moore for reaching out to single dads and getting us together and showing us how it’s done–even by remarrying your child’s mother and making your little girl’s dream come true (cause you know every kid from a divorced family secretly wants to see Mom and Dad back together). You brothers are awesome and a great asset to the community!

I don’t really have a lot to say today. Mustafa Akamo had been a single Dad for the most of the last 12 years, but now that the kids live with their mothers (long story), days like today are not fun… I have to celebrate Father’s Day with the children when I can see them, and often separately, since both Mothers have to agree to the same day (and for the third year in a row, they don’t). So I will celebrate with my 5 year old tomorrow, and with the 11 and 12 year olds next week. Sad story, but c’est la vie.

Women must understand how valuable their children’s fathers are. A father is a little girl’s first crush EVER. A father is also a boy’s first Superhero. When you deny a father–regardless of the reason barring abuse and safety–you are turning your sons and daughters into dysfunctional, insecure, out-of-balance adults. Even a Father who has allowed himself to get fat deserves time with his kids. Even a cheater deserves time with his kid (after all, he betrayed YOU, not your child). Even a father who is not working, or can’t manage his money well, deserves time with his kid. And most of all, your children deserve time with their fathers. Stand in the way of this relationship, and you tell the world that something is also out of balance with you.

Other than that, there are so many good fathers out there enjoying time with their kids, married or not. I salute you, I salute the mothers who support this relationship. I salute the fellow Dads who don’t get to see their children and fight with every breath in their bodies to make it happen.

And yes, there are many brothers out here ignoring their children. But we talk about them enough on this blog today, so on this day we will not give those insignificant mother fuckers any attention.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Thoughts on Father’s Day 6/15/2012

  1. Inspired

    It breaks my heart to know that there are so many people that can’t see that their actions while they are attempting to hurt the person they used to love are in reality inflicting hurt directly to their children, whom they should be protecting.

    I’d like to add this:
    It’s impossible for any parent to be both a mother & a father. As single parents we can never fill both rolls. We may be able to provide & love & protect but each parent brings unique attributes to the upbringing of every individual child. When any part of that is missing we grow up slightly dysfunctional.

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