So, Mustafa Akamo is a Globe-trotter.
October 10, 2011 · 2:15 pm
I’m not always getting out–especially lately, but at least I see the world around me as much as I can. (Remind me to tell you about my philosophy on being self-employed!) Being a writer, I happen to be a keen observer and master situation psychoanalyzer; I am constantly texting myself reminders to “write about” this and “write about” that. But along with being an observant and intuitive man, I also happen to be a very big procrastinator–which leads to you guys coming out to check out the page a lot more often and finding nothing. (That’s why you should subscribe, baby–find out as soon as I post!)
Lately, one thing I have noticed is that there seems to be a lot of good Black fathers out here–a lot more than you folks give credit to. And no matter how many times I tell you, many of you simply won’t believe it and will insist that the Black Father is a thing of the past. So this is what Mustafa Akamo will do: I will prove it to you by introducing them to you as I find them. Each unmarried, Black father has a story that I think should be told. As a Muslim, I believe wholeheartedly in the institution of marriage. As a African man in the African Diaspora, I understand that marriage is a millenia-old tradition and rite of passage that no African culture ignores. We as Black men are genetically predisposed to having a wife and family, and because we are not engaging in this practice regularly it is throwing our emotional, behavioral, psychological, and cultural balance out of whack.
Simply put, the Black man is not himself without a family. Where a Black man exists with no family, he is usually morally corrupt, he is unfocused, and he cannot reach his full potential. I know this to be a fact. No matter how rich he may become, without a wife the Black man is not complete, and he is poor.
Therefore, I commit to showing you that the Black man is at least a father more often than he is given credit for being.
Case in point #1: Meet Ronald (The attractive brother in the picture above)
So, I am on the Greyhound heading to Union City to visit my sister. Why Greyhound, Mustafa?
Glad you asked. My car is acting a fool lately, and I don’t want to take it on the freeway, especially 2 hours away. I love my sister and my mother with all my heart, but I ain’t getting stranded on the freeway in order to see them. LOL. So, I had to choose between Amtrak and Greyhound, and although only Amtrak is $7 higher–I couldn’t get a trip early enough and I thought it would be interesting. I found the Greyhound station on Richards Boulevard to be clean and new (it was) and DRUG ADDICT-FREE. That’s right. A couple of overweight, but wannabe cop, security guards were on their job that day and trust me, these brothers weren’t playing. A little comical, but appreciated. Plus there is a Police station next door with Po-pos who eat in the station, and you know how addicts and Negroes tend to avoid Cops like real men avoid Gay bars. As a result my FOUR HOUR WAIT was pleasant and stress-free. I read two books, wrote some poetry, chopped it up with best homie on the phone, and watched this brother interact with his adorable baby girl.
And I got to thinking. Where was he going? What was the situation that he was in? Babygirl (from this point forward, known as “Azizah“, an excellent name, as in Arabic, the name means “powerful”. Any girl with a loving father who protects her, provides for her, and shows her what to look for in a man when she gets older by BEING that kind of man is indeed going to grow up powerful) obviously loves her Daddy. Age 2, she was bombarding him with questions about the world. Daddy, what’s that? Daddy, what’s he doing? Daddy why are you doing that? Dad patiently answered each question. No texting, no phone conversation. Just giving lil Mami his full attention, sharing french fries with her and paying no attention to the few attractive girls by the ticket counter checking him out. A site to behold, y’all.
Dad (from this point forward, called “Ron”) looked to be about 6’2″. He had a fresh new hair cut, clothes were clean and ironed, pants all the way up (yay Dad!), articulate and had a strong appearance and fit build. No doubt his ex-woman must regret losing him. But guess what? Despite that he was once engaged to Azizah’s mother (“we just didn’t work out”, he says–no name calling, blame shifting, gotta love that), he has visitation with his daughter without a fight. Ron had all the tools needed to have a ton of women at his beck and call. Yet he is not in the market of chasing women. If you ask me, I’d say this brother still loved his daughter’s mother, but don’t quote me on that. He was very respectful of Baby Momma, and had nothing bad to say about her. When was the last time y’all saw that? If he is no longer in love with BM, then he is certainly mature and ready for the next relationship.
Au contraire, Mustafa. Ron says he has no woman, but the only thing he has on his mind is work (he works in a warehouse) and raising Babygirl (okay, although I love the name Azizah, I adore the nickname). My kind of brother. Take your time, get your money right, make sure Babygirl is happy. When the right woman comes around, she will wait until you’re ready. Daughter comes first. After God. (Oh, I did forget to ask if there was a spiritual journey he was taking. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was on one.)
The pair were on their way to his sister’s house in Vallejo. What a coincidence! He takes this trip about twice a month, is originally from Oakland, and because he lives here in Sacramento with roommates and his sister has two children, ages 3 and 4, who are her playmates during the visits–they hang out in Vallejo. Ron picks up his daughter twice a week, and every other Saturday and Sunday. He is pulling temp work, but working consistently, while looking for something more permanent. No complaining, he seems content. The whole time we talked, which was only a few minutes–his attention was fully focused on mini-Ron, while politely obliging me.
His own father was not involved very much. Not that they had a bad relationship–his father was around and in the household–but his father spent a little too much time in the streets. Ron intends to give his daughter more than that and break that cycle. He has two brothers and one sister, and I am sure that they are cut from the same cloth he is, and that’s a good thing.
We are in charge of our destinies, and most importantly, in control of our children’s lives and happiness. While Dad’s father wasn’t fully involved in Ron’s life, it didn’t stop him from giving his daughter the kind of father she deserved. Things didn’t work out between him and his ex-fiancee, and he is still keeping things workable between them in order to give Babygirl a happy childhood. We all could learn a little something-something from this.
For me, at least–I have an example to use for my own relationship between me and my littlest baby’s Momma (ex-wife #5). And because of Ron, I am winning:
Ahem. Mustafa Akamo–1
Thank you, my brother. I wish you well.
And thank y’all for visiting my blog.