Sometimes, I can get so heavy-handed with my words, the people I have my message for will close their ears and their minds… and my message won’t get heard.
So at times like this–when I REALLY need for my message to reach somebody–I find myself having to baby somebody and dumb down my message so that it may find its way through the noise and reach someone’s brain. And here we go, babies…
My young brother. I am writing this for you, because I love you like my own son and I want you to break the cycle your father set in place when it comes to your life. I don’t want your child to grow up fatherless as you have. I want you to hold your head up and join the elite of men who can say, “I don’t owe nobody shit, because I did everything I was supposed to do.” I want you to be the object of desire for women around you, because there aren’t many like you. I want your child to be proud to claim you as a father, and I want your mother to be proud to claim you as a son. I want your sisters to use you as an example when jumping on their sorry ass baby daddies, and wish, “Why can’t this fool be more like my brother?” I want racists who want to dog out Black men to see you and wonder if perhaps they are wrong about Black men. I want you to stop being a Nigger–a boy (like they use to call all Black men)–and stand and be a man. A real man.
First, let’s define what a real man is:
- The buck stops with him. His woman, his baby momma, his children look to HIM for provision. No male can call himself a “man” if somebody else is feeding his children: another man, the new boyfriend, a husband (that isn’t you), the child’s mother, or the American government that has dogged out Black people since the birth of this nation. Fail to be the one who provides, then I don’t want to hear shit when they execute your son for capitol murder, or a cops whips his ass cause he don’t know how to act, or the judge sentences him to the maximum for something a white boy would have gotten probation for. You be the bottom line.
- You are the leader of not just your child, but your child’s mother’s family. Be the man who your baby momma compares all her future men to, and regret not having you. Don’t be that nigger that she looks down on because you aren’t worth a shit. Be the one she respects. Be the man that her mother tells her she should be trying to find someone like. Be the one that got away.
- You are the wisest of your circle. Even your exes will ask for your advice. You can’t lead a family if people around you think you’re a clown. No bs.
- There is no doubt about it, YOU are the head of the household. And if you are single, women want you to lead their households.
That said, my question for you is this:
You have a baby on the way. Why on earth are you spending money in the club when you have no job? Why aren’t you working? Why are you wasting time in the club chilling with people who are not going to feed your child when you could be doing something constructive?
(Getting off the soapbox)
The most basic thing a man can do is provide for his children. You cannot call yourself a man, when your child’s mother has to turn to other people to buy diapers, food, milk, health insurance, rides to the doctor, help with the bills, rent, or a place to stay. Are you not capable of doing these things?
Another question. What do you call a man who sleeps on couches, lives in a house that is not in his name, is not the source of everything his child and baby momma needs? A boy. Don’t get mad at it, I’m only speaking the truth. Women generally do not disrespect men who are handling their business. Mothers and sisters will not dog out a male family member who is handling business. When a male who is supposed to be a man is not handling business, they call him a boy and they treat him like a boy. Nobody will diss a grown man who pays his bills, feeds his child, breaks off his baby momma more than the judge says he should, and is in a position to help out when it’s needed.
But they will completely wear you out when you don’t own anything. When a man don’t own shit, women will say he ain’t worth shit. And the truth is, a man is worth what he has to offer. It’s nothing to do with gold diggers; it’s just the way it is.
If this task seems like it’s too hard, then ask another man for assistance. But don’t do what children do and throw your hands up and just say “fuck it!” Because in the real world (and you do live in the real world), you don’t get to quit or give up. See, the problem with Black boys is that we make children, and when the stress of not being a provider hits us hard (because when you fail a woman she is not obligated to sugar-coat her frustration–it’s not in her nature), we will cuss her out, walk away and pretend like the responsibility went out the door with the relationship. But it doesn’t. ALL men have to eventually pay the piper. All men will lose tax refunds, driver’s licenses, respect, full paychecks, even the chance to form a meaningful relationship with our kids–if we don’t earn the right to keep those things. It has nothing to do with our baby momma being a good woman. Remember, player–you wanted to hit it, didn’t you? She wasn’t all that bad when you was trying to get the bootie, was she? Don’t blame her because you aren’t handling your business.
So my goal today is not to kick you when you’re down. It is simply to tell you that the racist white man is waiting for you to fail, so he can add you to the statistic that proves that Black men ain’t worth a damn. Are you going to let that happen? The Black family is counting on you. The Black community is waiting to see if you will break the cycle of man-make-baby-man-runs-away-from-responsibility-and-becomes-a-sorry-nigga. It’s simple, but it’s not hard. I have a short list of tips:
Work. Doesn’t have to be a good paying job, but you need to work. Take two jobs if you aren’t making enough money. Don’t sweat it if you’re working at McDonald’s or if it’s Walmart. It’s money. But you need to spend all your free time either working or resting. Save having fun for the party you will throw when that baby arrives safely. Because we are not guaranteed that your baby will live to see his first sunrise.
Put a portion of your money in the bank. Money IS tight. But there will always be a time when you will need more money than what your paycheck will give. The question is, will you be your OWN bank account, or will you be like a boy and ask someone else to pay for your needs? You absolutely must live within your means and put money aside for those things that come up… cause they will come up.
Repair your relationship with your child’s mother. Who cares that she is banging the next man. Aren’t YOU boning somebody else? But you need to keep that relationship harmonious. That way, you can keep your son whenever you want. Other than that–by keeping the relationship bad, you will have to go to court to see your baby. Do YOU have money for a lawyer? It will go a long way, trust me.
Educate yourself. Nobody wants an idiot for a father. Read books. Go to school. Read the newspaper. It’s a better way to spend your time than going to the club.
Speaking of the club, nigga, get the hell out of the club. You are spending money you don’t have. You are meeting women who will not feed your child. (not to mention might be the next one to have your baby) You are drinking alcohol which will shorten your life. Instead of spending money, you could be at another job MAKING money. Want to be real baller instead of acting like one? Work instead.
Do you have your own place? Well, you need to get one. You cannot call yourself a man when you live with someone else, unless that someone else is your wife. And you best be paying the rent, or you are actually HER “wife”.
Put the video games away. At least until the baby arrives. Remember what we said about men versus boys. Men work. Boys play games, player. Stop “playing” like you a man, and be one.
Get some health insurance. Your baby will need to stay healthy. And I sure hope you aren’t planning to let the government maintain YOUR child, are you?
RW, you are a good brother. But you need to grow up. You are too old to play games now. You have a baby on the way, and you don’t have a pot to piss in. Your baby momma, your sisters, your mother all love you, but they don’t respect you, because they aren’t supposed to respect you. You are a grown man living the life of a grown boy. You don’t have a lot of time left, and you must act fast. If you want help, let me know, I will break my neck to get my little nephew or niece into this world safely, and into the arms of a father–a real man–who comes from a good family, who is handsome, smart, and needs to use that brain that God gave him. This country doesn’t love you because you have three strikes against you. First, you are Black. Second, you are poor. Third, the world does not benefit with you in it or out of it. You have too much potential to just be another nigga from the street. You’re too smart for that. Why allow the White man to keep his foot up your behind and do nothing to better your situation? Stop talking shit and do something! Brother, you need money. You need guidance. You need a plan. And you need motivation. Because this baby will be raised, with you or without you. We have enough niggers in this world. You need to be a Black MAN. Right now, you have got some growing to do. I’ll help. Call me.
Thanks for visiting my blog.