Why Good Men Become Captains

So, I’m having a conversation with a female friend of mine about one of her girlfriends I nicknamed “Perky Titties”. She is a good girl, a little flirtatious, single mom, and likes thugs. Naturally, she has been raising her teen daughters alone with no financial input from either baby daddy. Recently, she met a brother–a college graduate with a good job–who has stepped up to the plate and helps her with her bills. He wines and dines her, and some of their dates even include her kids. He attends a different church from her, which is a new experience for her–as this is the first guy she’s ever dated that even attends religious services of any kind. For all we know about this brother, he is a good man.

Black men, 1 point. Bullcrap statistic, zero.

Now, here’s the problem. After only a few months of acquaintance, the brother has expressed an interest in her as a possible mate for marriage. I like that. My friend doesn’t. Despite the fact that my friend has never been married and I believe there is a tinge of jealousy in her opinion, my friend thinks there is something is wrong with the brother. One, Perky Titties is a white girl. My friend is a sister. Okay, so the white girls are good enough to be your homegirl, even fornicate with a brother, just don’t talk of marrying one? Doesn’t make any sense. Two, how do we know he is not a child molester? Well, you don’t. You can know a man for 20 years and not know that he is a molester. So what are you going to do? Fornicate until the girls are grown? Come on. Three–and this is the thing that got me out of my chair–dude just wants somebody to support. In other words, she called him a “Captain Save a Ho”. Sister, you have GOT to be kidding, right?

First of all, babi all I ever hear from you is how Black men ain’t nothing and there aren’t but a few good men left. So when you actually find one, you have a derogatory name for him… A “Captain”? Spoken like a true female, Sambo-ish Nigger. Um, pardon me, but can you define exactly what you consider a “HO”? A sister who is struggling to make ends meet? A single mother? A woman who doesn’t own property or a husband? Wouldn’t that include YOU, my sister? Are you trying to imply that struggling single mothers don’t deserve a good man? Or if that good man chooses a woman who is not well-off, there is something wrong with him? What is that saying about what you believe you are worth?

Let me introduce you to this revolutionary, yet old school, concept:  Good men yearn to be providers. The role that God Himself placed upon men in these words from the Quran (English translation from verse 4:34):

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.

The most basic thing a man does for his wife and children is to provide for them. Where there is no wife or child, a man will feel a void–believe it or not, whether he realizes it or not. A man with no family will find something to support–hobbies, pets, causes, relatives, friends, or his own selfish leanings. Where a man does not feel this need, then there is something fundamentally wrong with him and you should be able to spot him a mile away. Like what, you ask? Consider the following:

  • he is extremely vain. he spends tons of money on himself, his clothes, his car, on “stuff” (video games, computers, collectibles)
  • he is not a man. not only does he not support a family, he probably doesn’t even support himself. he lives off women, off parents, family and friends… basically, he is a grown BOY. he probably can’t pee straight, his health and his hygiene is poor, he can’t hold a job to save his life. he has none of the characteristics of a responsible adult
  • he is ultra selfish. he never pays his bills, he will use people, he can’t stand on his own feet–or if he can, any responsibility that comes his way subtracts from him. child support, for example, is seen as invasive and unfair and the mother doesn’t deserve it because of X, Y, Z

Sisters, I am just saying that it is natural for a man to want to have mouths to feed, people to guide and teach and be relied upon, to feel needed. When a man encounters a woman–especially a desirable woman–who is not being taken care of, he thinks to himself, “shoot, if she was MY woman, she wouldn’t have those problems…”  He sees her driving the hooptie and wants to put her in a nice ride. He sees her penny pinching at the grocery store, and wants to throw the roast in her cart and pick up the tab. He sees her shopping for her kids at the KMart and want to take her to Nordstrom. He heard about her lights getting cut off, and knows it would never happen if she were with him instead. When a woman and her children suffer, on Yomo Qiyyam, the Day of Judgment, God will ask her man to explain himself. A real man would be ashamed that his children are wearing old clothes and he’s flossing a nice ride. Wait… a real man would never let that happen. In that event–a woman going without–if he were to come across her, the real man picks up the pieces and starts to put this picture together, the way it is supposed to look.

Hopefully, the next time you see a guy like this, you won’t chalk him up as some type of sucker. His soul has heard the message God puts in all our hearts, and it listened. So the question is, will YOU listen?

Baby, this kind of full service don’t come without a price.

A real man who knows what time it is will guide you and your children to success if you follow him. He will pay for the food if you make sure it’s hot and waiting on him when he comes home from work. He will love your kids as if they were his own, if you allow him to be the man and give him the respect that he so rightfully deserves. No, it isn’t sex-for-money, but it is love-and-loyalty-for-provision. The same way God don’t bless mess, you get what you want when He gets what He wants. A good man will be a “Captain” for a woman who deserves it, and he won’t be a Captain long for a woman who doesn’t. Trust this, that most men know what they are bargaining with when they meet you. If you wear a hooker’s uniform and talk her talk, you will get pimps. If you carry yourself with dignity and Godliness, you get God’s gift. And that gift, regardless of what you may call him, is a good man.

Or–as they call him in the ghetto–a Captain. But don’t take him for granted. The older you get, the fewer unclaimed good men there are left.

Thanks for visiting my blog.


Filed under Marriage + Love

2 responses to “Why Good Men Become Captains

  1. Love it (minus the horrible nickname for her friend LOL)… It always hurts my heart to hear when women make comments like these! I’ve met (and dated) men with all three of those dysfunctions and can now spot them from a mile away! The ones that are hard to spot are the ones who “look” & “talk” like a “good man” & don’t have those specific dysfunctions glaring, but man my discernment these days is on like a hundred thousand trillion. Shoot, after all I’ve been through, I am patiently waiting for my Captain to find me! LOL On the real though, I have learned that a good man “moves in silence” and his WORKS speak for themselves.

  2. Mary

    spoken like a true captain. A man who takes his responsibilities and obligations seriously. There are good men out there but often as woman we look more at the exterior and use the I like that and that and certainly can change that ( well guess what ladies the only thing you can change is you) so when lookin if you can not accept a man for who and what he is keep lookin or you will probably put in time and have many wasted moments. Not his fault but ours because to be honest I think the men come at us real but we the woman the “fixers” don’t see them for who they are.
    and for the record this has nothing to do with color cuz we come in every color out there
    thanks for puttin in the time and thoughts Mo we can all use the wake up

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