I’ve noticed a lot of women lately talking about holding out for marriage. Maybe I’ve been hearing about it forever, but not hearing it–and marrying these sisters anyway. Either way, I starting thinking about every girl’s desire to be a wife, and what do we men look for–as well as what should we look for.
You might want to think about whether or not you are “marriage material”.
I mean, it takes more than just a desire be to a wife, in order to be a good wife. And notice I said “be a good wife”. Any sister with a wedding ring is a wife, but it’s the woman who gets to wear her ring for decades that is a “good” wife. Now, please spare me the garbage about why a woman doesn’t need to make pleasing a man a priority. Trust me–the women who think that way are usually alone or with unhappy men. The art of keeping a marriage appears to be lost on today’s generations (at any age), and you would do well to let go of your ego and get with the program. Trust me, ladies… women today are more desperate, with less morals and are more eager to connive to take your man. And your man has way too many options than to stay with a woman who does not appreciate a good husband who would treat her well. Please understand that your years on this Earth are short, and mostly we are not blessed enough to get many chances to get it right. Study the art, and become good at it.
- First, you must decide if–in the eyes of God himself–you deserve to be married. Did God bless you with a good potential spouse, or are you forcing a relationship down the throat of a man who really doesn’t want to be a husband (or your husband, for that matter)? Have you done everything you are supposed to do to have a marriage blessed by God? This must be determined first, because without his blessings, nothing is successful. If you are not praying, paying your charity, being faithful to the One who makes things possible and takes them away… you can forget being blessed in your endeavors. A good thing to consider: if you are fornicating with this brother, you are both in sin. Would a sinful union result in one with the Creator’s favor? Or do you really think He will bless you just because you stopped sinning because a piece of paper between you is making it “legal”? Yeah, that’s heavy. Are you looking for a wife, or just “legal” sex?
- If you are not in His favor, then you need to be on the fast track to getting right. Want to go on vacation? Well, do you prepare for vacation just by buying your ticket and going? Or do you work out like crazy to get your beach body, save your money to have funds, put your personal arrangements in order so that they don’t come up and ruin your vacation? Marriage is something you must get yourself together for. Not just the ceremony–but YOU. You have things to get ready, you have preparations to make. Or you aren’t really serious about making this move. I’m just saying.
- Am I prepared to make the emotional commitment? Is there a long-lost love I still dream about? Am I looking up my past lover’s name to see if they are on Facebook, hoping that we might make this thing happen one day? Do I cruise Black Planet, Craigslist, Match, or whatever? Or am I sure that this person in front of me is “the One”? Am I still in pain from a previous relationship, that I will punish my new mate for the sins of another? Am I looking for the cheater in him/her, paranoid that they will all be the same?
- If my mate was to have an accident, and become disfigured, can’t work, can’t have sex, can’t even wipe himself/herself… would I be willing to spend my life with this person? And I don’t think it’s one of those external things; it isn’t your mate, but you. Not that she/he the right one for you, but if you are willing or not to give yourself to another for life. Some people are willing to do this, some are not. If you don’t think so, but you will do it for this lady or that lady–you aren’t ready. You are deciding readiness based on something external–depending on how she looks or how she makes you feel. Love isn’t external; it’s internal. Either you are ready for commitment or you aren’t.
- Is there baggage from a previous situation that will affect your new one? Like bills? Or apprehension? Or fears? I knew a brother who said after spending 5 years with an overweight woman, he had to have a fit wife. He was not attracted to heavy women, and would not stay with one. Well, he ain’t ready–no matter what she looked like. Even Halle Berry could contract Thyroid Disease and gain weight. Want to have kids? Add 30 – 40 pounds (or more). Like I said, anything left over from a previous relationship that can affect your current situation spells that you are not ready.
- How well has this person gotten to know you? Does she know your parents? Your siblings? Your kids? Is she in the dark about your business or line of work? Does she know about the culture you come from? Your religion? I know you aren’t planning to marry someone who can’t name your favorite Uncle. May seem trivial, but it’s huge.
- Are your life missions in line with each other? I mean, really? You want 4 kids, but your mate wants to travel the world–childless. You want to live the life of a full-time musician, but your mate wants a steady 9 to 5 and retirement in 30 years. Compare notes and be honest.
Okay, it’s getting late. There is more to this story, but I’m watching “Ong Bak”, and we are approaching the baddest fight scene at the end of the movie and I’m fin to start throwing kicks and punches and watching these fools get that ass beat. This topic is starting to bore me. Talk to you later!
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