You would think that after listening to me bitch and moan about my sixth wife, that she was completely inept at keeping a man. Au contraire, my friend! Actually, she was a beautiful woman who kept me happy most of the time. The problem was just that she had a temper (which was a complete deal-breaker for me) and regardless of how much I loved her, my desire for my children to have a happy childhood was greater than anything I could feel for her or our marriage.
Basically, it was, “Make my kids unhappy, and you’re gone.” In our case… I left. (Thrown out but refused to return was more like it)
But I digress.
I learned something from her that Islam teaches women that I had never experienced before, and now I’m spoiled. It’s this: Your home has to be a place your husband can retreat to from the torment of his world. It must be a place he looks forward to going to, and must be like a vacation every day. To many of you, that sounds ideological and unreasonable. But that’s because your mommas didn’t teach you this important lesson. And that, my sister, is why men spend time with their boys, go to the bar or the club, hang out in the streets–anywhere but home with you. Learn this extremely important secret about female “pimpology” and you will have that man racing to get home.
- The arrival home has to be stress-free. When he comes home, do you bombard him with complaints about leaving the toilet seat up or not calling you during the day? Is his arrival home a pleasant one? Or one that he dreads? Do you meet him with all the BS from your argument from this morning? Or… Are you happy to see him? A smile and some “snap, crackle, pop”? Something to eat or drink? Baby, take your shoes off and let me rub your shoulders? If this type of greeting sounds corny to you, then I feel sorry for you mami, you have a lot to learn. Men like to go where they can escape it all. If he sees comfort in seeing you, then he will look for you. If he sees it in the cutie at the sports bar, or the gym, or in hanging out with the boys–then honey you just relegated yourself to second place. Read on.
- Listen to him with interest. They say the most important job in politics–second only to the President himself–is the First Lady. She is the last person of every day that President gets his advice from (thank God that we have a First Lady with degrees from Harvard AND Yale!) and after all his meetings with his advisers and Cabinet members… He comes home and unloads on his wife. And when there is a huge decision to be made, how much you wanna bet he will piss off every Cabinet member before he defies his wife? Your man carries a lot of burden on his shoulders. He gets beat up by his boss, by his duties at work, by his sleazy coworkers, by the jerks on the freeway, by his employees. That stress don’t just go away on its own. The least you can do–while he is getting beat up by his day for you and the kids–is be the ear he can let loose on. Encourage him. Edify him. Give him good advice. Congratulate him. Soothe him. If you don’t, somebody will.
- Is the house clean? Does it smell good? Is it comfortable? If your home is pleasing to the senses, it will be pleasing for him too. Does he smell dinner from the driveway, and know you are hooking it up? Will there be a hot bath running in the tub waiting on him when he gets home? Will that home feel like a 5 star hotel? Or a college dorm room? I sure hope you don’t think you’re gonna keep a man impressed with poor housekeeping skills… If you’re a working wife, then make the kids do it.
- Your mission every day should be to make him happy. I don’t know where women get this “I don’t have to kiss a man’s ass” bullshit, but I guarantee you this: That broad is a baby momma, not a wife. If she is a wife with that attitude, her husband ain’t happy. A wife who doesn’t feel like she should be busting her behind to keep her husband happy deserves a man who doesn’t feel like he should be paying all the bills and instead wants his “freedom” and will be chasing stupid shit, like his rap career.
- When I speak of making the man’s home his “castle”, I don’t intend to make you his maid or a second class citizen in your own home. But I am suggesting that you find it priority to make him feel like a King in his own home. It don’t matter if he’s a janitor at the factory, or a porter at the auto dealer, or scrubbing floors at the office… He is putting food on the table, your children love him, he keeps a roof over your head, and he is treating you well. The least he can have is a little kingdom when he’s away from the job. Is that too much to ask?
Now, if your man isn’t putting it down like that–send him to me. We need to discuss a few things. I’m assuming your husband is doing what he’s supposed to do because that’s what we men do… we love, cherish and support. And for that, we deserve a little piece of heaven at home.
Thanks for visiting my blog.