I have this sista-friend… okay, ex-girlfriend (lol), who wrote a novel entitled The Bum Magnet. Now, she say it’s not an autobiography–and it better not, cause what is she trying to say about me?? Anyway, if you are a friend of mine and you love me, you will support the efforts of my old friend and read her book. I’m sure you’ve wasted a ton of money on bullcrap movies that you was pissed about… especially after spending damn near $20 on snacks ($40 + dinner + motel if you’s a true playa). So surely you can afford to support an up-and-coming Black author.
Find out more about it here: http://www.amazon.com/Bum-Magnet-K-L-Brady/dp/0615307043
So I’d like to talk a little about this: Why does it seem that many women always get the same dude over and over, and only the names and faces change? I’ve known some women over the years, who tell me the same damned stories every time, SAME STORIES, just different guy. SAME STORIES! Ya hear me? I said, “The same stories, different brotha”…
I have a theory. Kiddos, close your eyes and cover your ears.
- Many women have bought into the bullshit that “thugs do it better”. Dude’s dicks don’t grow larger just cause the nigga ain’t working, smokes weed, and wears his pants off his ass. It’s a mindset. And you like it. Admit it. There is something in those women that makes them want a brotha that’s thuggish. Now, you say you want a thug, but you keep breaking up with them. You gotta decide: do you really want a thug? What if an educated, money-making brotha turns thug? Would you be attracted to him any more? My theory? No. There is something about a man who is not working, or works just to finance his social life, that turns you on.
- What those sisters secretly want–get this–Is a thug who is also financially responsible, romantic, family-oriented, faithful, and good looking. Sorry, but you been watching too much TV. There are a few of those brothas out there, and most of them outgrow that shit by age 30 and then they are probably married. And if you meet a 40 year old nigga still sagging, you ain’t getting none of that shit. LOL.
- But not all Bum Magnets are looking for a thug. Some want the Tyrese/LL Cool J/Shemar Moore-type brotha who is financially responsible, faithful, blah blah blah. Well, I have news for you–so is everyone else around you. Even if they have a man, and you land one, they are going to want yours. For a man to have a ton of women after him to stay focused on one woman takes a *superhuman* amount of strength. And where do you find this kind of strength? Not in a gym, but in a close, disciplined relationship with God. I say–and repeat–it is IMPOSSIBLE to find a brotha with the curse/blessing of beauty to be able to handle that kind of pressure without the assistance of God’s consent. If you meet a man who does not have a relationship–a disciplined, daily relationship (with all the trimmings)–I would walk away. Especially if he’s fine. It’s like going to the mall right after tax refund without spending… or going to the casino with a pocketful of cash and not playing… or standing in the middle of an all-you-can-eat without eating.
- Likewise if you don’t have a relationship with God, but you want him to bless you with a good man. There’s only so many good men out here, and do you think God is going to waste him on a woman too busy to spend two hours out of a 168-hour week with Him? And this goes for anything you want that you ain’t getting–money, weight loss, a better job–in this world you have to pay the piper *before* he plays for you.
- You might want to take a good hard look at your past relationships and try to figure out if you have done something wrong. Let me say this: Men never leave a woman he loves without her knowing that he’s about to leave. NEVER. Now that I’ve said that, if he has told you that he would leave, ask yourself: what did you do or say in response to the man who threatened to leave? I’ll bet you probably said something to the effect of, “Fine, then leave!” So, you told homebody to go. Are you surprised? If you wanted to keep him, you shoulda acted like you wanted to keep him. But knowing a lot of women (and having this happen to me), acting as if you didn’t care if he stayed or left won’t keep him there. Go back and look at #3. Too many fish in the sea for him to stay with someone who couldn’t care less. And I’m sure there are other signs.
- Your history is the same as your mother’s. I will bet you the HOUSE on this one. History not understood is doomed to be repeated. Not “history not known”; “history NOT understood”. Understand that the main person who taught you about relationships may have taught you the wrong stuff. And you continue to go to this unmarried (or unhappily married) woman for advice. Love your mother, but know her limits. Look at your mistakes, look at her mistakes, and then look at what you both did similar.
- If your mom was happily married and you’re not, it might be time to take her advice. Period.
- Finally, look at the signs. Screwed up men rarely sneak up on women. How many times did you get dissed or cheated on and then said to yourself, “Dammit, I knew this motha fucka wasn’t shit!” Yup, so did your girlfriends. So did your family. Hell, sometimes, even his MOMMA told you he wasn’t shit. And you stuck with him for watever (cough! cough! dick! cough!) reasons, you stayed with homeboy. So don’t get mad; just know what you’ve got. And sometimes, you get a good one, but then mistreat him. KNOW WHAT YOU’VE GOT, and then act accordingly.
I’m not trying to write a book here, so I’m gonna leave it at that. Get Karla’s book. Take a little advice from a guy who has made mistake after mistake after mistake… and then realize that you are a woman who has made mistake after mistake after mistake, and change your program. You might even have to stand back and go “on strike” for a minute, cause most of our mistakes have centered around illegal, premarital sex. We know the formula to a better life, but you have to stick to the rules and read and heed the signs.
Okay, baby boy is up from his nap, gotta make dinner.
And you know what? i was gonna tag, but some folk’s feelings might get hurt. so if you think i wrote this for you, J, K, M, A, S, R, F, T… sho you right. I did.